DR. WALLACE: Here I am at a prestigious college, and instead of enjoying the unfurling experience before me, I feel more like a less-than-beautiful puppet in a dull romantic comedy. For as long as I can remember, my parents set the goal for me of attending one of the nationally prestigious schools that so many students desire to gain entrance to. But I've quickly learned that whereas back in high school I was looked at as remarkably bright, here I'm just another bird in the flock, and we all seemingly fly together without anyone standing out.

I've gone quickly from feeling that I could take on the world to now feeling that I'm just another cog in the machine. I feel that academically I'll probably only be able to score in the middle of the pack in my various classes. It's highly unlikely that I'm going to stand out the way I did back in high school.

It's been quite an adjustment for me, both intellectually and emotionally. I feel kind of like the way a star high school athlete may feel when that athlete joins an elite college program and can only be a part-time role player. I realize I've been really fortunate to accomplish all that I have up through this point in my life, but now I feel like I've hit a huge roadblock, one that is impenetrable. — Just Grinding in the Pack, via email

JUST GRINDING IN THE PACK: The first piece of advice I have is to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Do you realize just how many students would love to be in your shoes right now?

Do your best to take your focus off constantly comparing yourself to others alongside you. Instead, focus on being the best student you can be. Remember, your education is all about setting yourself up for your future.

You're in prime position right now to do that, and if you can focus your attention on where you will be two, five and 10 years from now. I trust the paradigm shift of this thinking will open up a whole new kaleidoscope of refractions for you to focus on rather than feeling like you're swimming with a school of fish in the middle of the pack.

OUR FREQUENT SMALL DISAGREEMENTS ADD UP TO FRUSTRATION

DR. WALLACE: My daughter and I have been increasingly involved in what I call frequent little disagreements. It seems as though whatever I say is going to be challenged, criticized and stated as being wrong, and this is the case virtually 100% of the time.

If I say "up," she'll say "down," and if I say "daytime," she'll say "night." It's almost as if she's intentionally trying to get under my skin or to agitate me. And if this is the case, I don't understand why. I feel I've been a good mother; I've helped her in many ways and continue to do so.

What do you feel is the best way to diffuse consistent and unwanted "frequent little disagreements"? — An Exhausted Mother of a Teenager, via email

AN EXHAUSTED MOTHER OF A TEENAGER: How about instead of getting into the minutia of various discussions and disagreements with her, make it a point to ask her how she's doing, how she's feeling and if there's anything you could do to help her?

She might be stunned to hear this type of comment from you, but if you stay calm and consistent, she'll soon realize that you are indeed serious. Don't sweat the small stuff, don't fret over small details and disagreements, but instead look deeper and try to find out what life might look like through your daughter's eyes if you were to put yourself in her place.

No, you won't be able to agree with her all the time, and you certainly won't be able to give her permission to do anything and everything she wants to do, but that doesn't mean you can't have empathy for what she's going through. Ask her to take the time to explain things that are important to her to you so that you can understand them as well. Let her know that you'll do your best to compromise with her in certain areas of her life as long as it's a two-way street based on solid communication.

To me, this would be a much better approach than solely trying to douse the flames of those frequent little disagreements. Remember, even if you extinguish the flame of one small disagreement, a barrage of other others soon await. Better to dig deeper and seek to connect with your daughter on a much more meaningful level, even though it will take work and compromise on both sides. But just because it will be challenging doesn't mean that it should be summarily dismissed in lieu of sustaining pesky "mosquito-like" petty disagreements.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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