DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who's a senior in high school, and sadly, my boyfriend for the past year and I are slowly and steadily growing apart. It feels to me like we are kind of sleepwalking through this relationship at this point, and it pains me to see the sad look on his face most of the time.

I think he knows and realizes what's happening just as I've noticed it too. We're both really good people, and neither one of us has done anything wrong to the other, but I think reality is slowly sinking in. I'm planning to attend a college almost 1,000 miles away, and he's going to attend a local trade school right after high school. Therefore, we both kind of know that we won't be seeing each other in person for an extended periods of time, and perhaps that's the reason he consistently looks and acts so sad.

Should I say anything now or just wait until later in the school year to see how things develop before we both graduate? — Facing a Long School Year, via email

FACING A LONG SCHOOL YEAR: Instead of just going through the motions and drifting aimlessly through the long school year, face this issue head-on now. Find a good time to start the conversation with your boyfriend, and calmly explain what you see as the dilemma the two of you are facing.

Ask him for his input, his suggestions and what he thinks the best course of action would be for the two of you during this school year. He may indeed recognize things are off, and elect to opt out now, or he could take the position that you might as well enjoy the year together, then part ways when the time comes, at the juncture you both enter your separate futures, knowing that you may or may not ever double back to see each other again.

Whatever comes of such a conversation would be vastly superior in my estimation to simply waiting for something to happen at any moment in time. The two of you have spent a good amount of time together and gotten along quite well for the most part, so I feel you owe it to each other to make a mutual decision in concert with each other. Be sure to discuss anything and everything that is on your mind as it relates to this relationship and encourage him to do the same, because if the two of you get everything off of your respective chests, I feel whatever mutual decision you make at that point will absolutely be the right one.

SUDDENLY SHE SEES EVERYING NOW AS A "SIGN"

DR. WALLACE: I have two really close girlfriends, and we girls tend to talk about everything with each other. If one of us has a problem, we will explain it, and the other two will do their best to help or give advice. We've been doing this as three close friends for several years now, but recently one of my two girlfriends seemingly believes that everything that she sees, experiences or notices is a "sign" of what is going to happen, what she's supposed to do, or what the "universe is telling her."

This would all be well and good if there was some rhythm and logic to what she says and what actually happens, but she'll literally flip-flop on these signs within weeks or even days and start going in a different direction if she feels she's noticed a "new sign."

As her friend, how can I help her to calm down a bit and not see everything that happens, or everything that she notices, is an irrefutable "sign" that has massive significance to her and her life? — Her Mood Vacillates Constantly, via email

HER MOOD VACILLATES CONSTANTLY: The typical human mind is wired for pattern recognition as a defense mechanism, and we are all influenced by "confirmation bias," which may be in play here with your friend.

Confirmation bias causes an individual to search for, favor and interpret information that matches a set of preexisting beliefs, while simultaneously rejecting or ignoring evidence to the contrary. On top of this, many people don't like to admit when they are wrong, as it hurts their self-esteem. This is a form of an ego protection mechanism. Buying into confirmation bias to the point of mild or even consistent irrationality therefore becomes a reality to some individuals, even to the point of cognitive dissonance.

Having provided that background, my advice in dealing with your friend is to generally remind her of her previous "signs" that did not come to fruition, and let her know that one of the true great features human beings possess is the ability to logically and rationally decide what actions we wish to take, what goals we wish to pursue and how to go about them with a game plan that includes a diligent plan to work on. If you can steer her toward making logical decisions about her future apart from any particular "sign," then her chances are much better that she sets a goal and actually works on it rather than constantly flailing around on chasing whims.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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