DR. WALLACE: I'm a football player on the boys' varsity team in my senior year in high school. Our season is underway and it's a great time of year for all of us on the team. We have the habit every weekend of getting together on a Sunday afternoon and early evening to "roast" each other. The idea is to criticize each other in a humorous way, where everyone gets a turn to say something about everyone else. It's all in good fun and we usually get a lot of really great laughs out of it. Ours is kind of a high school football version of the celebrity roasts you sometimes see on television.

Most of the time our criticism and needling of each other relates to football, how we played in a game, something that we did that made us look foolish or someone who forgot a snap count or made an absent-minded play during a recent game. However, sometimes the roast jokes venture into physical attributes, academic skills or other non-football items.

At this last roast, one guy who's amongst my three closest friends spent his entire time when it was his turn to roast me talking about my current girlfriend and putting both of us down in the most disparaging ways he could think of! He criticized us both individually and collectively. He got a few nervous laughs, but I noticed a lot of the other guys were looking out of the sides of their eyes at others, wondering what he was up to.

I knew the reason for this because the girl I've been steadily dating for the last seven months is a girl he dated briefly for two months back when we were sophomores. He has gone through two full girlfriend relationships after that one and before I asked her out, I did go to him and asked him if he would have any problem with it late in our junior year. He literally told me, "No problem." But now, I can tell that it's a sore point with him, especially the way he ripped into me and her at our roast. What, if anything, should I do about this? — He Must Care After All, via email

HE MUST CARE AFTER ALL: It could be that he's either between relationships now or the one he's in isn't going so well. In any case, he sees you and her getting along just fine, so human nature may have kicked in with a jealousy vibe that's agitating him.

You'll have another roast a week from now, so hopefully he got it out of his system. It may be wise to act nonchalant and say nothing at all during this week and see if he revisits it. If it never comes up again, you'll come out way ahead by not challenging him or showing any anger or disdain on your part.

But if he does revisit it again, that's the time to ask him to have an open discussion with you about how he's doing. Be sure to volunteer to help him out if there's anything you can do for him. Something is obviously causing this frustration in him and, oddly, it came up after so long and especially in the manner that it did in this particular venue in front of many of your teammates. Let things breathe for a week, but be prepared to calmly engage him should you need to in the near future. If that happens, don't escalate things and right away let him know how much you value his friendship and how you'll help him in any reasonable way you can if something is currently bothering him.

HE IMMEDIATELY CALLS WHEN I TEXT HIM, BUT I CAN'T ALWAYS ANSWER

DR. WALLACE: I text my boyfriend regularly to keep in touch with him, as I'm a busy college student and he attends a local trade school. Lately, it's strange that instead of texting me back when I've texted him, he'll almost always call me immediately after I send the text and at least half the time I'm heading to another class or I'm in a situation where I can't answer the phone right away. When this happens, he then always texts me the same exact line, "Guess you're too busy for me?"

The first time this happened, I actually laughed to myself, but it's happened so many times in a row now that I'm not laughing anymore. I've told him repeatedly that it's always better to text me back and we can even set up a mutually convenient time for a telephone call, but he said one of the perks of being in a relationship is you can call each other anytime, anywhere and expect an immediate answer!

I certainly don't mind talking on the phone when I have 10 or 15 free minutes in my schedule, but I simply can't call him back immediately or answer his calls every time he calls me. This now has me texting him less frequently because I'm afraid it's only going to cause him to call me more often. What can I do about this? — He Doesn't Understand, via email

HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND: I disagree that he doesn't understand. I think he understands perfectly and he's actually utilizing these opportunities to push his power play on you. This is a form of controlling behavior and if it's not a red flag, it's definitely a deep yellow one.

Remember that severely controlling behavior starts in a quiet, almost innocent way that might not be noticeable at first. But at this point, you should be acutely aware that he knows his behavior is out of bounds, but he's persisting in continuing it. And, he's exhibiting another sign of seeking control over you by shaming/scolding you with his often-repeated line, "Guess you don't have time for me?" This absolutely could be 'grooming' behavior on his part, as he is seeking to get you to bend to his wishes and will.

The best strategy at this point is to immediately set ground rules and parameters for communications going forward and if he continues to break the parameters, my advice is to look for a new relationship before he makes your life even more uncomfortable.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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