DR. WALLACE: My shyness is a problem. I'm a girl who's a sophomore in high school, and I'm painfully shy. I'm old enough to date but haven't yet because I don't socialize well. I have a few casual girlfriends, but nobody really close to me that I can open up to completely.

In one of my classes, there seems to be a really nice guy who looks at me occasionally in class, and whenever we make eye contact, he smiles slightly. I can tell he's a good student; he speaks up regularly in class, and it's obvious he's following the lessons well and asks great questions.

I'd really like him to come up and talk to me someday, but for the past three weeks all he's ever done is glance at me occasionally and smile. I've seen him around our high school campus, but only with a few of his guy friends, never a girl. How can I possibly meet him in a way I can get to know him better? Given my deep shyness, I usually feel like giving up before trying anything. — Super Shy Girl, via email

SUPER SHY GIRL: The good news for you is that he's near you every school day. See if you can find a good time on an appropriate day to approach him after class and ask him if he would be willing to be a study partner. You might mention a part of the classroom material that you could use some help with.

Rehearse possible questions and answers that each of you might have in your mind well in advance, as this will help to keep you calm and give you a little momentum to hopefully overcome your shyness.

For example, if he's open to the idea, he might ask you where the two of you would study together. Think that through carefully, and if you want to use a few minutes of your lunchtime to do this, you might mention that to him. There may be a library at your school or near your campus that might be suitable.

The key here for you is to initiate a very mild and safe conversation, even a brief one, and be sure to reach out your hand and introduce yourself by giving him your first name. He will likely shake your hand and do the same in return. If you're able to start a conversation like this, no matter how it goes, it will be a great step for you personally. Keep that in mind and don't put any undue pressure on yourself at all. Simply tell yourself you're just asking a question of a classmate about studying course material, nothing more. The more casual and nonchalant you can be during a conversation with him, the better for each of you.

YOUR ANSWER WAS IMBEDDED IN YOUR LETTER

DR. WALLACE: I'm a college student who is serious about her studies. I'm 20 years old, and ever since I've been attending college, I'll take a break and hang out with some of my good friends and classmates. Some are my age, and some are a few years older.

They all know the two places in our town where they can easily be served alcohol without having to provide identification. The older ones in our group actually look like they're pushing 30, even though they are really just 21 or 22. A year and a half ago, when I started hanging out off campus with some of these friends and classmates, I told them I couldn't order any alcohol because I refused to lie. I simply told them that I was not about to lie about my age or any other matter, as my personal integrity is paramount to me — which is indeed very true.

The first time people heard me say this, there were a lot of groans and rolled eyeballs at me, but gradually everyone stopped pressuring me, and I've been able to regularly enjoy some sparkling water with lime, my favorite drink, in peace.

My problem is that I'm turning 21 in about five weeks, and two of the eight people I hang out with are aware of my exact birthdate. I know for sure I'm going to be pressured to "celebrate" with the birthday alcoholic drink or two, but at this point in my life, I don't feel the need to order any alcohol for any reason.

Since I've kind of used my integrity about not telling a lie to get me by thus far, how am I going to be able to avoid accepting free alcoholic drinks that everyone is certain to try to buy me on my upcoming birthday? — Dreading Turning 21, via email

DREADING TURNING 21: You are in control of your own decision-making and should never feel pressured to do anything outside of your own comfort zone, ever.

Based upon your letter, you've already provided me with the answer to your own question. Simply lean on the same strong integrity that you always utilize, and tell your friends that years ago, you would not have deceived any server to serve you alcohol as an underage minor. Mention that after thinking about it for the past few years, you still haven't decided to consume alcohol at all at this point in your life, so you're going to hold off for now. Since that's absolutely the truth, you can nonchalantly say this to them as your birthday approaches and thank them in advance for their understanding. By the way, my advice is to have this conversation a week or two before your actual birthday so that you can diffuse the situation well in advance. Good for you that you're making your own decisions and not caving in to peer pressure.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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