DR. WALLACE: I'm having a birthday party in the backyard of our family home for my best friend in two weeks on a Saturday at noon. I plan for the party to last about four to five hours.

My mom has approved the party and she's helped me arrange the menu and some games. There will be about 20 girls in total. Usually, my parents go shopping for several hours every Saturday afternoon at a discount warehouse about a half hour drive away.

But to my utter surprise my father just informed me that he and my mom will be staying home during the party. He told me they would not interfere with my event but that they will be upstairs in their bedroom during the party as it's their "obligation" to do so! I totally expected them to be gone shopping for most of this daytime party. Now I feel both self-conscious and embarrassed to think that my parents are canceling their routine shopping trip to "babysit" my event! How can I get them to understand that I need my privacy with my friends who will all be girls? — My Parents are Ridiculous, via email

MY PARENTS ARE RIDICULOUS: Your parents not only have every right to stay in your home during this event, but they are acting prudent in doing so.

Twenty 16-year-old girls with no supervision could become problematic. Someone could get hurt, choke on food or perhaps text a boyfriend and invite him over to your home without your permission or knowledge during the party. Hopefully your parents will remain for most part out of sight during the entirety of your event, but in my opinion it's wise for them to be present simply to be available at a moment's notice should anything go sideways. You may also be asked between now and the event by the parents of some of your guests if your parents will be present at the party. Your ability to promptly provide an affirmative reply to this question should ensure a robust turnout of your peers.

YOUR TWINS SHOULD LEARN TO DEAL WITH DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES

DR. WALLACE: I'm the mother of two 13-year-old identical twin girls. They do many things together, and even elect to wear identical outfits perhaps half of the time.

They're very close in so many ways, but as a parent I can always tell the two of them apart at even the quickest glance.

I feel like we have finally run into our first dilemma regarding these two girls. Apparently one of them has a friend at school who shares her identical, zany sense of humor, and they are apparently close friends. Interestingly, her twin sister is not as close to this girl, perhaps because she has a slightly more conventional sense of humor.

Our slightly more outgoing and humorous identical twin was invited by this girl to attend a sleepover two Saturdays from now at her parents' home. This family has an excellent reputation, and there is no problem there at all. However, my concern is that only one of the two identical twins were invited to this slumber party, and this left the other one deeply disappointed.

I, of course, would like to grant the request of my one daughter to attend this event, so I'm considering calling the family and requesting an invitation for her identical twin sister. I feel this is appropriate, but my husband feels that if I do this, I'll be overstepping my bounds here. What is your opinion? — Parent of Identical Twin Daughters, via email

PARENT OF IDENTICAL TWIN DAUGHTERS: I agree with your husband on this one. Just because your twin girls are identical twins, doesn't mean they need to have the exact same life experiences! Obviously one of your daughters is slightly more humorous than the other one and her sense of humor has struck a chord of friendship with this particular girl holding the slumber party.

There is nothing wrong or unusual with a girl inviting one of her friends to attend a party, in this case specifically one of your daughters. And there's nothing wrong with her not inviting someone she's not as close to, meaning your other identical twin daughter.

In my opinion, calling the mother of this girl to request an invitation for your second twin daughter would indeed be overstepping your bounds, and not aligning with the young girl's wishes who is hosting the party. Utilize this opportunity to do something fun with your second daughter that night and make her feel special in her own way. There will be times when each of your daughters will have alternative opportunities that the other one is not presented with, so now is as good of a time as any for them to start learning this valuable life lesson.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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