DR. WALLACE: I'm 12, and my older brother talks down to me constantly. He's 15 and in high school, so he thinks he's pretty big stuff around our house these days.

He's not mean, and he doesn't yell at me or anything like that, but he always talks to me with an edge to his comments like he knows what's going on, and that I'm clueless and lost in the dark. At first, it didn't bother me too much, but lately his constant attitude has made me angrier and angrier inside. He doesn't know about this, and sometimes I fantasize about yelling at him right in his face to relieve the tension I feel. But I know if I do that, he'll be beyond shocked and probably won't react too well.

What can I do about things regarding the situation I'm in here? And please don't tell me to go to our parents, I want to handle this myself and not have him upset that I went to my parents behind his back. — My Older Brother Brags Too Much, via email

MY OLDER BROTHER BRAGS TOO MUCH: Since you don't want to go to your parents regarding this, and I understand why, you need to find a logical way to approach your brother directly about this matter.

Instead of starting by telling him that you don't like the way he talks down to you, or the way you feel, he brags too much to you, do the opposite. By this, I mean that you should approach him at a comfortable time when you think you'll each have at least 10 to 15 minutes to talk together.

Once you find the right time, tell him that you find his stories and the information he shares with you very interesting. Let him know that although you're younger in a different level of school, you look forward to having similar experiences someday, once you get to be the age that he is now. Ask him some interesting questions about his friends, what high school is like, and so forth. Don't let him know that you've been frustrated in the past; instead, seek to find common ground, where the two of you can talk together about things he's experiencing. You could even ask him for his advice on a few small matters that may make him feel proud to be able to tell you his opinion.

Now you only do this to the extent that he is speaking to you earnestly and about civilized and respectable topics. Don't get drawn into anything illegal, immoral, or against your character or the rules of your family. But that aside, approaching him, showing an interest in what he is experiencing and asking for small snippets of advice may facilitate the bonding with your older brother. And having him as a resource over the next several years may be quite beneficial to each of you in various ways.

If you can accomplish this bonding with him successfully, you'll know in your mind that you were the bigger person by doing it diplomatically and wisely. He'll never know how frustrated you truly were, but you can occasionally give yourself a wry smile in the mirror as you're brushing your teeth!

WHY IS MY SISTER LOSING SO MUCH WEIGHT?

DR. WALLACE: I'm 12 and my 17-year-old sister has lost a lot of weight in the last six months. She always had some extra pounds and could afford to lose some weight, but to me it seems like she's lost too much.

I've asked her about it a couple of times, but she doesn't say much. I've also mentioned it to my parents, but they just say that she's eating very carefully these days. I'm not sure that's correct, because I see her eating dinner at our home about the same way she always has. Plus, she's eating the same foods.

Do you think I should say something more to my parents and my sister to get the full story, or just stay out of it? — Curious About My Sister, via email

CURIOUS ABOUT MY SISTER: You have asked your questions directly to both your sister and your parents and you're getting roughly the same answer from all three of them. Therefore, my feeling is that you don't say much more about it, although you're welcome to keep your eyes and ears open to see how she's doing day by day and week to week.

It's hard to know exactly what is going on with her. It could involve a medical condition or something else that you are not directly aware of. My advice is not to press the matter further, but to be friendly and supportive, act normally around your sister, and don't bring the subject up any further at this time.

If and when your parents, or perhaps your sister herself, wishes to explain something to you or to update you in some way, I trust they will do that. In the meantime, be the best brother and family member you can be.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2025CREATORS.COM

Photo credit: Etienne Girardet at Unsplash