DR. WALLACE: A certain boy and I have been "best friends" for over four years. I have liked him very much the entire time, but I have never told him of my feelings, even though I have had many opportunities. I just didn't want to risk losing his friendship by coming on too strong. Now that I'm older (17) I want to be more than just "good friends." We go to different schools, but I see him at least twice a week because we are in the same youth group and have mutual friends.
Sometimes I get the feeling that he feels the same way about me. As a matter of fact, it seems like we have become a lot closer in the past couple months. I now know that I love him and hate seeing him with other girls. I want to tell him how I feel, but I still feel I risk the chance of losing a good friend. What should I do? I would feel stupid if I told him that I loved him and he would not return my same feelings. It would be beyond uncomfortable if that happened. Right now, we have a really great friendship that I don't want to spoil. What's your advice for my situation? — Anonymous, Chicago, Illinois
ANONYMOUS: Tell the boy that you would like to go out on a date with him. It would be nice if you could invite him to a function (school play, game, dance, party, etc.) at your school. Don't mention being in love with him until after you have been dating for a while, if things do get that far. Remember that good friends can also love each other in a platonic way, so he's not too likely to be put off by your affection for him as long as you are not over the top in your words or actions.
Oh, and yes, he will go out with you. He probably hasn't asked you for a date yet because he was afraid he might lose a good friend. I wish you both the best, as starting to date after first being longtime friends is a great way to potentially start a deeper relationship.
STAY WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS
DR. WALLACE: When I was six, my parents were divorced, and I went to live with my grandparents, who live on their farm. I am now 14, so I have lived with my grandparents for over eight years, and I have grown to love them very much. I also love being on the farm. I have my own pet animals, and I'm active in the 4-H Club at school. My grandmother is more a mother to me than my real mom ever was.
About a month ago, my mother got married, and she now wants me to come live with her and my stepfather in Chicago. I don't want to. My mother is almost a stranger to me now, and her new husband is really a total stranger.
I enjoy the school I go to, and I have a lot of friends. I don't want to lose all this and start out new in Chicago. I'm sure my mother loves me and wants to make up for all the time we've been separated, but I'm not a child anymore. I'm a young lady, and it's too late for her to try to recapture my younger years.
My mother said it is my decision and she would respect whatever I decided. My grandparents also say it's up to me to make a choice. Would I be considered selfish if I didn't move in with my mother? I know she really wants me to. — Anonymous, Columbus, Indiana
ANONYMOUS: Stay with your grandparents, but at every opportunity, spend time with your mother and keep that relationship honest and loving. If the time ever comes when you would prefer to move in with your mother, by all means, do it. Your grandparents will understand completely. If you remain with your grandparents throughout your high school years, be sure to invite your parents to special events in your life, especially your graduation.
I'M NOT SURE IF I LIKE HIM
DR. WALLACE: I'm dating a guy who is a star athlete, but whenever he starts getting close to me, I find myself leaning away from him. I went to the prom with him last year, and in our prom picture I'm actually leaning the other way. It's very noticeable. My mom says that my body language shows that subconsciously I really don't care for him. Is this truly a possible sign? If I'm honest with myself, I'm not sure if I like this guy that much or not. I do, however, like the idea of having a steady boyfriend. — Anonymous, Lima, Ohio
ANONYMOUS: Moms are very good amateur psychologists. I think your mom's insight into your true feelings about this guy is right on target.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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