DR. WALLACE: I've been dating the same girl for four months now. We're both 18 and plan to attend local community college this fall. The first two and a half months of our time together were really great, as I think we were in that new phase where we were both kind of infatuated with each other.

But over the past six weeks, I've noticed a distinct change in her, particularly her words and tone. She used to speak to me politely or in a soothing way, but lately she complains a lot about the things I say or how I say them. For example, I'm often told that I talk too loudly, use way too many gestures when I speak and use too many "figures of speech" — whatever that means.

I've done my best to not answer her in the same manner that she addresses me, but even though I stay calm and polite, it doesn't stop her from steamrolling me verbally. I was talking to a good friend of mine about this last weekend, and he told me that it's unlikely we will stay together over the long run, especially since this has already started and seems to be a new pattern, not just a one-off thing. Do you agree with my friend's assessment? Do you think we can get past this phase, or do you think there's little hope for us as a couple in the future? — Her Words Have Changed, via email

HER WORDS HAVE CHANGED: Unfortunately, I do lean toward your friend's assessment of the situation. I've read many studies on relationships over the years, and one thing that always seems to jump off the page in these studies is that one of the biggest causes of breakups is how each of the two parties, or at least one, addresses the other verbally.

Since we are social beings, and we speak thousands and thousands of words a day, it's a bad recipe if there is a constant negative, accusatory or disparaging manner in which one partner addresses the other. If this relationship doesn't mean that much to you at this point, my advice would be to start planning to move on in the near future.

But if the opposite is true, and you really, truly want to give this relationship every opportunity to get back on track and hopefully bloom again, you should diplomatically bring up this subject to her at the best possible time you can think of. Yes, you'll risk her blowing up at you directly or being even more negative, but if that happens, that kind of gives you your answer, doesn't it? And if there has been some misunderstanding, or there is some sort of proverbial "thorn in her paw" that you were unaware of, hopefully she can bring it up and the two of you can discuss the matter thoroughly so you can hopefully put any misunderstandings or upset feelings behind the two of you. The beauty of these types of relationships that you're in, especially as a teenager, is they are fungible, and you have every right to stay and try to make the most of it, or to simply announce that it's not a match and to respectfully part as a couple, hopefully on as good of terms as possible.

I WISH TO SHARE TWO WORDS FROM MY CHERISHED MOTHER

DR. WALLACE: I don't really have a specific question for you today, but I do want to tell you about something my mother does because I think it can help other teenagers and perhaps people of any ages as they go through their day-to-day routines in their lives.

My mother is a very sweet person, always helpful, and she naturally sees the bright side of things. She also believes in giving everyone a chance, and even a second chance, and she constantly goes out of her way to help other people whenever she can, even strangers that she's just met if something happens to them in front of her or someone needs help.

But having said all that, the gem that my mother delivered to me, and to my fellow siblings, is that several years ago, she got in the habit of telling us something very memorable in the morning as we were going out the door to school. She did this literally every day that we left home, and in fact, whenever we left the house in the afternoon, evening or on a weekend. She would first tell us that she loved us, then she would make direct eye contact and say two powerful words: "Stay alert!"

I remember the very first time she said this to me, I asked her what she meant, and she said that the world is a wonderful place overall, but there are always dangers or potential dangers out there, and if we simply stay alert and always be aware of our surroundings, who we are with and what we are doing, we will be able to subconsciously protect ourselves 95% better than we would if we were just "moseying through life not paying attention," as she put it.

At first, I remember not feeling too happy about this, because it felt like I had a new job, assignment or duty to think about or worry about every day. But gradually I got used to it, and without getting into various long-winded stories, I can tell you that there indeed have been a handful of times in my life that my "subconscious alertness" has allowed me to protect myself, avoid a problem or maintain my personal safety and that of those around me in ways that I might've missed otherwise.

I'm simply writing to tell you this because, more and more in today's world, it's a wise thing to trust everyone and almost every situation in general but to stay alert and observant at the same time. My goal is to help even a few people with what I feel is this priceless advice from my beloved mother. — My Mom Is Both Sweet and Wise, via email

MY MOTHER IS BOTH SWEET AND WISE: I commend you for writing your heartfelt, informative and useful letter to our column here, and I'm happy to publish it in the hope that it can help other people via her sincere yet powerful suggestion.

I feel the fact that she repeated it every time right after saying "I love you" as you exited the home not only fortified you to go out into the world but also reaffirmed her deep love for you. May her words help others in a similar way, just as you have suggested.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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