DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl and I have several friends of the same age who go to school with me. One girl is my closest and best friend, but over the past year, I've lost a lot of credibility because of her. The reason for this is, to put it mildly, that she exaggerates. Some people would say that she tells outright lies, but I'll be a bit gentler and say that she stretches the truth right up to the breaking point.

The reason this has impacted me is that other friends of mine tell me privately that she's telling outright lies, and this makes me look bad because I never correct her in front of others. Several of my friends tell me that this is almost like me, telling the lies myself, but I disagree with that viewpoint.

The other day, this happened again regarding a story she was telling in which I was present at the time of the incident. I carefully stepped in and corrected her without calling her a liar. I simply said some words that more accurately clarified the situation in front of everyone.

At that time, nobody said anything, and our conversation came off as normal. However, the next time I saw my friend who exaggerates privately one-on-one, she brought the situation up to me, and I simply told her that I wanted to protect her by accurately telling the story in case other details became public later that might make her look bad.

She simply let out a sigh and said to me that it was ok, and then she changed the subject, and our time after that was completely normal.

I feel lucky that I spoke up this time and things actually worked out, but my question for you is, when you have a close friend, should you speak up in a situation like this or simply let their exaggerations stand so that they can deal with the consequences themselves? — I Got Lucky This Time, via email

I GOT LUCKY THIS TIME: Situations like these are delicate matters, indeed. However, a special feature that goes along with a very close friendship is the ability to speak openly to each other.

The key is to be sure that you explain things from the point of view of wanting to help your friend, and it's important to also welcome reciprocal discussions going the other way.

You did the right thing, and apparently, you acted diplomatically enough to not cause blowback within your greater circle of friends or with your extremely close friend. This letter provides a unique opportunity for me to encourage and welcome reader comments on both this particular situation and any similar ones you may have experienced in your own lives.

I'M INTERESTED BUT DON'T WANT TO APPEAR DESPERATE

DR. WALLACE: At the age of 17, I feel I'm maturing into womanhood further and further with each passing week. I met some interesting friends this summer through pre-existing friends of mine.

One guy in particular, I find quite interesting, and I'm curious what he would be like in a one-on-one situation if we went out on a date together, for example. I happen to know he's presently single, but I don't want to play any juvenile games here. This means I don't want any of my friends to approach him and ask him what he thinks about me, if he likes me and so forth.

However, on the other hand, I'm hesitant to approach him directly to ask him out or mention my potential interest in spending time with him. I wouldn't want to give him the impression I'm groveling for his attention. For all of these reasons, I'm also hesitant to mention anything to any close friends of mine about my level of interest in him since that may cause other dominoes to fall that I wouldn't approve of.

What advice, if any, might you have for me? — Interested But Not Desperate, via email

INTERESTED, BUT NOT DESPERATE: You certainly put quite a bit of thought into this, and it appears to me you like to control situations as much as you possibly can.

Therefore, my advice to you is to seek neutral ground. By this, I mean, perhaps the next time you come across him in a group event, go up and speak to him, but keep your comments directed to his interests, how he chooses to spend his free time and what activities he enjoys

Hopefully, from there, one or more of his replies might overlap with an area of your own personal interest. If that's the case, you could mention to him that you'd be interested in following up with him, and perhaps a few of your existing friends in such an activity. This could be hiking, going to see live music, doing volunteer work, or anything else under the sun that may be appropriate.

Once you've successfully arranged such an activity, there will be a smaller group of people involved, and you'll be able to spend more one-on-one time discussing things with him. The two of you will get to know each other better and each of you at that point can make your own decisions as to who may ask the other person out, or if it would happen at all.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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