DR. WALLACE: Bless you for telling a teenage girl, who was being physically and emotionally abused by her boyfriend, to stop seeing this "criminal" immediately. I'm glad that you said that she should report him to the police if he continued to bother her after she told him to take a "long walk off a short pier." This naive young lady wasn't sure what to do because she thought she still might love him and kept believing him when he apologized for his behavior, promising that it would never happen again.

Trust me, it will happen again and the punishment this guy dishes out only gets worse. This guy is a coward and cowards beat women to exert their power. Many women suffer this because they are afraid to challenge men.

I was also a victim of a coward. I thought my love would turn him into a gentle man. Boy, was I mistaken! As time passed, things became worse. The end came when he beat me so horribly that my parents didn't recognize me. I wound up in the hospital for three weeks. I had a broken jaw, a broken nose, a broken eye socket, a concussion and bruises and welts all over my body.

My mother contacted the police and this coward was arrested and convicted. He now is serving time in prison. You can bet your last dollar that he isn't beating any of his fellow prisoners.

A friend of mine has a father who is a psychiatrist and he told me (free of charge) of course that men who batter their female companions rarely change their behavior, even with passing time and the victim's love. He said that the only way an abuser will stop abusing is with professional help or in prison - whatever comes first. — Anonymous, Gary, In.

ANONYMOUS: Thanks for sharing your experience with us. The number of letters I received from battered females who don't know what to do is enormous. They think they still love the guy and hope that, in time, their love will cause him to change, but that indeed rarely happens.

Men who batter females are incapable of love. Never, ever should a young lady believe that her love would tame a beast that beats her. Girls, please don't wait until a guy harms you. The minute you feel threatened, dump him without looking back. A relationship with a guy should be fun and based on mutual respect, not filled with fear. Always take care of yourself first — both physically and emotionally.

EXPAND YOUR LIST OF GOOD FRIENDS

DR. WALLACE: Ashanti and I met about a year ago and I guess you could say were best friends. We do some things together that are fun, but she wants to spend a lot of times at my house and that's no fun at all, because all she does is go gaga over my brother. My brother, who is three years older than she is, has no interest in her, but she goes nuts over him. When he's in the house, Ashanti hardly ever talk to me. All of her attention is showered on him. When my brother leaves, she tells me it's time for her to go home.

I've talked to her about this, but she denies having a crush on him. When we are doing things together, I like her because we have a lot in common and she is fun to hang out with when her mind is not going "boy crazy." But when she is at my house going gaga over my brother, I really despise her. What should I do? I'm really confused about how my feelings towards here swing back and forth. It doesn't seem normal. Am I overreacting? — Anonymous, Oakland, Ca.

ANONYMOUS: Try not to have Ashanti over when your brother is going to be home. She simply can't go "gaga" if she doesn't see him. Try hard to see her at school, at her house and in social settings away from your house for a while. Act normal and monitor her behavior. She might ease up on thinking about your brother all the time. You will soon know if you two are good friends or if her motivation is simply to use you to get closer to your brother. It's important to remain loyal to good friends, but in your situation, I would encourage you to also expand your list of friends and spend time with other girlfriends. Then when you do see Ashanti on occasion, you'll be able to see if she's been "weaned" off of obsessing about your brother and is able to focus on enjoying fun times with a good friend like you.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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