DR. WALLACE: I'm a 13-year-old boy and I live alone with my mother. Every evening I take a bath before I go to bed. Sometimes when I'm in the tub my mother will come in and bring me a towel or pick up my dirty clothes. Once in a while she will sit down and ask me how my day went. Mom works hard and works different hours and sometimes this is the only time we have a chance to talk. I really respect my mom and the hard she work she does to support our family.
My grandmother thinks this is terrible. She said that I need my privacy and should tell my mom to get out of the bathroom and to shut the door. She thinks that we have a problem. Do we? — Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: Grandmothers are right most the time — but not this time. The only problem I see is that grandmother is trying to impose her will, instead of minding her own business on this topic. As long as you and your mother are comfortable for now as things are, I agree with you. When the time comes you don't want your mom in the bathroom, you will inform your mother yourself of this yourself.
TEENS NEED GUIDANCE FROM PARENTS
DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and I'm not permitted to date, or for that matter, go out with my girlfriends in the evening. When I do go out, regardless of where, I have to give my father a complete itinerary of my plans. I can understand my father's concern for his daughter, but this is ridiculous. I'm a dependable and trustworthy daughter. My dad acts like I'm going to have sex every time I walk out the front door. I know better than that, and so does he. I do love him, but when it comes to my social life, I hate his actions.
Every Friday and Saturday evening I'm stuck at home watching junk on television. What a great social life I have! I have a 14-year-old brother who can come and go at will. He is allowed to stay out until midnight on weekends while I'm grounded if I come home one second after 9 o'clock! That really makes me sick.
Please don't tell me to have a long talk with my father. I've already done that. He won't change his mind. All he says is that, "Your brother is a boy and you are a girl."
I'm so upset that I could explode. Now I know how it feels to live under a dictator. I can't go to my mother because my dad is the boss and what he says goes.
I would appreciate any advice you can give me. — Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: There are times when being overly strict as a parent can cause just as much damage as being too lenient. Teens need guidance from wise parents - not excessive smothering.
Some authority figure needs to have a chat with your father. Talk with a favorite teacher for your counselor (even the school nurse) and ask that this person talk face-to-face with your father and encourage him to "lighten up" a bit on his overbearing restrictions.
Many times, parents will heed the advice of an intelligent person who is not a family member, especially a fellow adult with experience in dealing with teens.
MY TIME WILL COME
DR. WALLACE: I am 16 and have a lot of friends, both male and female. I also enjoy playing the piano, playing tennis, riding horses and swimming. I really enjoy being with my friends, but I don't date and never have. I guess my time will come, but not just yet.
The problem is that my mom is upset and can't understand why I'm not dating. Whenever she sees a cute guy she will always say, "You and that boy would make a great couple." She makes me feel like there something wrong with me.
My mom reads your column, so please Dr. Wallace, tell her everything is ok with me and that I am just going at my own pace. —Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: There's nothing wrong when you choose not to date. As you say, your time will come. Teens shouldn't be encouraged to date when I parent thinks they should, rather a teen should be allowed to wade into this type of new activity when they feel ready. Tell your mother politely that for now, you are not planning to date yet, but that when you are ready, you promise to go to her for some advice in advance of giving dating a try. Perhaps that will relax her mind and give you some breathing room for now.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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