DR. WALLACE: I met a new boyfriend this summer. He's very considerate, and he has a good sense of humor. But I've noticed one thing about him that gives me some concern. A couple of different times, we got into some dicey situations and he exhibited traits that were much more cowardly than valiant.

He quickly backed down in both situations and got us away from any potential danger, and both times he made the comment, "If a tree falls in the rainforest and no one hears it, it didn't happen!" The second time he mentioned that same phrase after the second incident, I actually got up my nerve to ask him what he meant by that. He immediately replied, "You automatically win all of the fights you sidestep or avoid."

I've been chewing on that one for a while, but I'm still not sure how safe I'll feel in the future if we get into a situation that is not so easy to immediately extract ourselves from. Would it be wise for me to break up with a guy that I'm feeling may be too cowardly to rely upon? — His Reactions Were Unusual, via email

HIS REACTIONS WERE UNUSUAL: I can see where you don't fully understand the logic of the explanations he gave you; however, extracting yourself while on a date from a situation that could turn ugly quickly is usually a good thing, and not necessarily an act of cowardice.

It appears his main point is that it's better not to engage in a difficult situation if you don't have to, and there's definitely some logic in that. If you'd like to attempt to assuage your concerns, pick a calm and comfortable time to ask him what his game plan would be if you found yourselves in a difficult situation in the future that wasn't immediately easy to extract from. His answer there may be enlightening to you and either put your mind more at ease or perhaps confirm your initial concerns.

I DON'T LIKE TO GO ON DATES IN A HUGE GROUP!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl and I have several female friends from my high school that I get along with really well. I'm lucky because although I have one friend who is slightly closer to me than the rest, I'm quite comfortable with all of them and it's nice.

However, lately they've been wanting to go out on dates together in a large group! All four of us girls have steady boyfriends, and one or two of them have been organizing double dates, times four! This means eight of us do things in a group together, whether it's attending a party, a music show, going out to dinner or a movie or what have you.

My boyfriend and I have gone along with it for the most part, but I'm starting now to feel really uncomfortable and don't want to always have to be going out on dates with so many other people tagging along. However, I don't want to upset my friends or appear to be ungrateful. What should I do? — Not Into Group Dating, via email.

NOT INTO GROUP DATING: Approach the friend of yours that you are the very closest with, and let her know that occasionally, here and there, you wouldn't mind double dating with her and her boyfriend, but that you just don't want to go on these large group dates all the time.

Explain that you lose some of the one-on-one time with your boyfriend when so many other conversations are going on concurrently. And by letting her know that you'll do the occasional double date with her and her boyfriend, you could ask her to mention it to the other friends that you'd prefer smaller groups — only occasionally — and that you'd be happy to rotate around to each of your friends and their boyfriends, but just one set at a time.

Having your closest friend explain this will likely make it easier for you because then she can extend your offer to still double date each individual friend of yours along with their respective boyfriends, but just one at a time and only occasionally here and there. Sometimes in life it's better to simply state what you're comfortable with and what you're not, and if you have a situation where someone can help voice this for you diplomatically, it's all the better to get the ball rolling in the right direction for you personally.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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