DR. WALLACE: Some girlfriends and I were having an interesting discussion during one of our summer outings a few days ago.
We were debating whether guys or girls feel more stress, both academically and socially. We girls agreed at an 80% rate that teenage girls feel more stressed than guys typically do. Four out of the five of us girls said that girls did. I voted as part of the majority. What is your opinion on this topic? — All Teens Face Stress, via email
ALL TEENS FACE STRESS: It may not be the answer you want to hear, but your group's vote was correct based upon my experience. Teenage girls tend to put much more pressure on their academic achievements than teenage boys do, although there are, of course, notable exceptions. I'm speaking here in terms of volume, not the heights that anyone individual or group of individuals may reach in terms of stress.
Sadly, socially, it's the same answer for the girls. Teenage girls are much more prone to comparative analysis and feel social and peer pressure to keep up with increasingly difficult standards.
MY MARRIAGE IS THREATENING MY BEST FRIEND
DR. WALLACE: I'm 21 and just got married! My husband is 34, and yes, I can do the math. He is 13 years my senior, but we have many things in common. We both lean on the same exact denomination of faith, we have many common interests, and our mutual sense of humor constantly challenges each other, which is a very good thing in my eyes. It keeps our relationship light and close, and we both enjoy the camaraderie of being able to talk to each other quite easily.
So, everything is great, right? Unfortunately for me, this is not the case. My best girlfriend of seven years has her feelings hurt at this point.
After our honeymoon and the return to our full-time jobs, plus finding a new place to live, there hasn't been as much social time for me to hang out with my closest girlfriend.
I fully understand her discomfort about this, but I feel recently she's crossed the line when she says that I'm paying too much attention to my husband and I'm becoming too clingy!
This is the first time in my life. I've heard someone accuse a newlywed of clinging too much to their new spouse!
I always thought this would be a good thing, and I fully understand that we're still in the afterglow of the honeymoon, so to me it seems natural that we would be spending a lot of time with each other and, in our case, finishing each other's sentences.
My best friend is becoming increasingly frustrated with me, and she sends me a needling email a couple of times a week. Should I ignore these emails entirely or respond to them? And if you do advise me to respond, what positioning should I take with my response? I don't want to lose my best friend, but I do have my hands full and have limited free time these days. — A Newlywed in Love, via email
A NEWLYWED IN LOVE: I would respond to her and be gentle, while resisting the temptation to push back on her or to escalate things.
My advice would be to tell her that you're currently adjusting to married life, but you value her friendship very much, and perhaps you could schedule an outing a couple of weeks into the future when you can plan something firm that you can stick to in advance.
In the meantime, share some information with her via text and encourage her to do the same. I feel it's important to ask her what's going on in her life and how she has been doing, since she no doubt feels a bit jealous of your situation and left out in terms of your free time these days.
Since she's such a good friend, I also recommend that you call her at least twice a week and tell her in advance that one of the calls will be for a quick 10 minutes and you'll find a window of time to talk to her for a full half hour on the other day.
This can at least give her some consistency in interacting with you and not feeling completely ostracized. It will also give her something to look forward to and for you to look forward to as well. Maintaining close friendships is indeed an art, and your friend is indicating to you that she's feeling wounded and perhaps even pushed aside, so be sure you do all that you can to balance your current situation with at least a few slices of consistent interaction with your good friend.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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