DR. WALLACE: My mom told me a few years ago she felt I would be mature enough to go out on dates when I reached the age of 16 1/2. For years, I've been begging her to lower that age to 16, especially since many of my other girlfriends are being allowed to date on their 16th birthday.

I turned 16 at the end of June, and the week before my birthday, my mom sat me down and told me I could start dating at 16 instead of 16 1/2. I was absolutely thrilled until she told me that there was one condition attached to this adjustment: She would select my dates for me!

She knows a lot of families and has a lot of friends in our town, and apparently, she scoped out all the 16-year-old boys in our entire city. I really wanted to go on dates so that I could be like my friends, so I agreed to her condition even though I thought it was unfair. So far I've been on two dates, and they have both been total disasters!

The guys aren't my type at all, and we've had absolutely nothing in common to talk about either time. These experiences have been beyond awkward, and I'm wondering now if it's even worth going out on any more of her "arranged" dates, or if I should just wait until I turn 16 1/2 and can make my own selections. What do you think I should do? — Mom Is Not a Good Matchmaker, via email

MOM IS NOT A GOOD MATCHMAKER: Dating is not easy at any age, and at 16, the more experience you can get, the better. I recommend that you go on a few more arranged dates and enter them with no positive expectations.

If these dates don't turn out too well, just chalk them up to experience and know that you don't have to repeat them. Be polite, civilized and friendly to everyone you meet, and do your best not to hurt anyone's feelings. You would want the same if the tables were turned.

Perhaps when you least expect it, you may actually enjoy one of the dates your mother arranges. But if she continues to put you on a losing streak, perhaps you can slow down the frequency of the dates a bit and start counting the days until you turn 16 1/2, when you can control your own selection of who you would like to date or not.

WHAT SHOULD I DO HERE?

DR. WALLACE: My mother was incarcerated almost two years ago, and I've been living with my aunt, who was my legal guardian until I turned 18.

Even though my mom's situation is not good, my aunt is a great lady, and she loves me very much. I've always gotten along great with her, even as a child, and we've had no problems living together during my latter years.

I've had a steady boyfriend now for about six months, and I'm a couple of months from turning 19.

My aunt has told me that I can stay with her as long as I would like, but my boyfriend is putting heavy pressure on me to move in with him at his apartment. He feels it's a big sign of immaturity on my part to keep living with an aunt even though I'm almost 19. In fact, he tells me I'm being ridiculous and that he's never heard of anything so pathetic as to continue living with an aunt as an adult woman.

I'm definitely torn, because I have it good where I am right now, and I feel very comfortable with my aunt. I do have some hesitation about moving in with my boyfriend right now. I want to continue dating him, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to live under the same roof.

How can I best explain this to him so that he won't continue to belittle me with his constant scolding about my immaturity? — Not Ready To Move, via email

NOT READY TO MOVE: You are the mature one here, and he is the one acting immature.

He wants his way and is doing his best to pry you out from your aunt's home so that he can have more control over your time, schedule and activities.

Your letter clearly stated that you are not ready to move, so it is imperative that you stand your ground. Do not be pressured, bullied, shamed or cajoled into doing something that your gut tells you you're not ready for.

You're quite fortunate to have such a fantastic aunt, one who you have an excellent relationship with. Consider also the stability that relationship provides you coupled with the security of residing there. At this time in your life, this is too important and too good for you to give up simply because he is pushing you to follow his agenda.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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