I Fantasize About Taking off Permanently Any Day Now

By Dr. Robert Wallace

July 5, 2023 5 min read

DR. WALLACE: I live in a home with a loudmouth, quasi-abusive father and a very weak mother. My older brother also lives at home, and he's not much used to anyone either.

I really want to bail out of this household immediately, but I'm only 17. I have the fantasy of taking off and never looking back or making contact with my family ever again.

Do you think it makes sense for me to wait things out until I'm 18 or just take off now? And if I wait, I plan to never, ever contact them again for any reason whatsoever. — Ready to Bolt, via email

READY TO BOLT: I suggest you hang in there and complete your senior year of high school, then do your best to leave that home as gracefully as you can. Don't burn any bridges along the way because you never know if you'll feel differently about one or more of your family members later on in your life.

So, when you do go, make it a point to keep in touch with at least your mother, so that your family will know where to find you or contact you whenever necessary. Life for most people is long and things, including attitudes, often change or evolve.

Put your time and effort between now and then into saving up as much money as you can to start your new life and to find the best landing spot possible that fits in with your overall life plan going forward.

HIS MOTHER SCARES ME WITH HER "ICE QUEEN" REPUTATION

DR. WALLACE: I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 22 and we both attend the same university. He's a great guy and he treats me wonderfully. I can definitely see a potential future with him.

However, there's just one thing that's worrying me. He still lives with his mother and from what I've gathered, she has the reputation of being what's called an "Ice Queen," and it scares me, to be honest with you.

I know because one of my best girlfriends has an acquaintance who knows his former girlfriend quite well. This is the source of the information I've received, and I have no reason to doubt it. I've only seen this woman briefly twice when my guy was dropping off or picking up something from his house. She simply waved at us once without speaking, and the other time she was on the telephone, so she didn't react to us.

I'll admit to being pretty hi imitated by this situation is it even has me wondering if this could be a dealbreaker at some point is it future for my relationship. Is there anything I can do to be prepared for her verbal assault when it inevitably arrives? — In Fear of an Ice Queen, via email

IN FEAR OF AN ICE QUEEN: Don't be ridiculous! You're making assumption on hearsay via an ex-girlfriend who may have an axe to grind. You don't know the circumstances regarding that previous relationship or why it ended.

Run your own race, not someone else's. Establish your own relationship with this woman before you make any assumptions about her at all. And for what it's worth, I'd go into a first conversation with her expecting it to be friendly, fun and nice. Don't fear her and don't expect it to go poorly. You certainly don't want to chance bad vibrations from there on Saturday and turn them into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It could be that you find some common ground with her and that the two of you get along well. Ask your boyfriend to tell you about his mother and learn what her likes and dislikes are. Be prepared to talk with her about topics she enjoys and be proactive. Smile and be yourself! I can't tell you how many misunderstandings and missed opportunities for bonding have been doomed by erroneous expectations or false or misleading rumors.

Grow up and stop assuming rumors from the grapevine are always true. Don't assume you'll need to end your relationship with your guy over her before you've even truly gotten to know her!

And no matter how your first discussion goes with her, keep it between your boyfriend and yourself. It's truly nobody else's business. Do this and you may well set yourself apart in a positive way in her eyes.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Rafael Garcin at Unsplash

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