DR. WALLACE: I feel like I don't know my 14-year-old daughter all that well these days and I want to know her better. She's a young lady now and she's growing up fast. I've recently noticed that she has a journal that she writes in often, and I'm tempted to read it so that I can understand her more and be a better parent for her going forward.

I can see two sides to this issue, so before I take any action, I thought I'd write to your column to get your opinion on this. What do you think I should — or should not — do when it comes to my desire to understand my daughter better as she becomes a young lady? — Mother seeking to understand daughter, via email

MOTHER SEEKING TO UNDERSTAND: Your daughter has kept a journal to express and chronicle her innermost thoughts. These writings are hers, and hers alone, and should be off-limits to you unless she voluntarily shows it to you. Do not read her journal without her knowledge.

If you want to know your daughter better, have regular conversations with her. Invite her to shop for clothes, groceries or gifts with you. Ask her open-ended questions about how things are going for her. Basically, to get to know her better you should focus on two prime things. First, spend time with her when you can. Second, talk to her often. Not all conversations have to be deep or probing. You should know quite a bit about her already, so make small talk about her hobbies and things she likes.

Most teens enjoy having parents who master the art of communicating well with them while, at the same time, not smothering them. Parents who feel increasingly out of touch should take steps to slowly become more present in their teens' lives.

WILL MY BROTHER'S REPUTATION TAINT ME?

DR. WALLACE: I'm about to start high school this fall, and I'm worried. My older brother has caused a lot of problems at school in the past. To be honest, he's a total goof-off and a troublemaker who does not respect others, especially authority figures.

He rarely does his homework and he gets a lot of bad grades. He was also suspended twice for poor behavior when school was in session before COVID-19 came along.

Even though the pandemic has mostly ended, I'm still afraid his teachers will recognize our last name and know that I'm his sister when I show up in person at high school this fall as a freshman. This will start me off right away with a bad reputation. I was a decent student and a good citizen when I was at school in person, and I also did pretty well when we were doing Zoom learning over the internet this year.

Do you think the teachers will treat me based on my own good citizenship and schoolwork, or will I always be considered to be the sister of a big troublemaker? — Seeking a good reputation, via email

SEEKING A GOOD REPUTATION: No worries, you will be judged by your own classroom behavior and the grades you earn. Your brother's poor behavior will not affect you at all. Many teachers know from years of experience that siblings can be very, very different from one another in many ways.

Yes, a teacher or two might recognize your last name and wonder for a moment what your actions will be like, but once you communicate well, respect others and work like you always do, your own positive reputation will be off and running — and you'll have every chance to grow and solidify it over time.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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