DR. WALLACE: My 13-year-old daughter thinks it is amusing to act inappropriately when we are in public because she knows I will not discipline her in a relatively demure public setting.

I remember being at the mall when I was a kid and seeing parents yelling at their children in front of everyone. I deeply disliked seeing how horrible that appeared and I promised that I would not put myself, as a parent, into a situation that would garner me those same looks from strangers.

But now I feel my daughter is out of control and beyond the pale with her antics. Even worse, I now feel controlled by my child, which is not the best way to parent in my humble opinion. I'm not sure if you've received any questions on this topic in the past, but if you have, I'd sure like any advice you might be able to offer me. I'm at my wit's end! — Publicly passive parent, via email

PUBLICLY PASSIVE PARENT: Have a discussion with your daughter and let her know you will be going to the stores, malls, sporting events, music events and any other type of outing she might enjoy without her from now on until she conducts herself appropriately.

She knows how to act, but she's taking advantage of your unwillingness to discipline her in public. So, discipline her at home and ground her as you see fit and/or take away privileges, such as her telephone, for blocks of time each day or evening. At some point she'll likely realize that a bit of goofy fun at your expense in public isn't worth it to her given the consequences that will follow.

The key with teens is to communicate, have fair rules and to be earnest and helpful as often as you can. But when a teen intentionally acts out, consequences must be put in place and upheld in an effort to teach and encourage a teen to learn an appropriate lesson. And in my book, acting civilized in public certainly qualifies as an area that warrants consequences if a teen decides to act out intentionally. Simply inform her at home in advance what the consequences of "acting out in public" will be. Then, if necessary, enforce your consequences to the exact letter of what you laid out in advance.

I DIDN'T LOAN MY PHONE!

DR. WALLACE: I'm an adult, not a teenager, but my issue involves a teenager. I was at a shopping mall yesterday, walking in from the parking lot, and was approached by a teen boy who looked about 18 years old. He walked right up to me very rapidly and bluntly asked me to use my cellphone.

His approach caught me off guard as he didn't even say hello, nor was he polite. Since I felt very uncomfortable, I declined to give my phone to him and he muttered something under his breath that I couldn't really hear. He then walked away from me just as swiftly as we walked up to me.

The whole experience felt weird to me, but I kind of felt bad, as if I should have helped him out. I thought a lot about this during the afternoon and vacillated back and forth wondering if I made the right decision. I'm normally considered to be a good Samaritan, but in this instance I froze and refused to help this young man. Did I overreact in this instance? - Normally a Good Samaritan, via email

NORMALLY A GOOD SAMARITAN: You certainly do not have to let anyone borrow your phone, especially someone you don't know who just walked up swiftly and awkwardly to you.

Handing your phone to any stranger creates an opportunity for the stranger to have the option to take off with your phone! One strategy for the future would be to offer to make a call on a stranger's behalf by dialing the phone yourself. And had that been the case, I'd have further suggested you walk into the nearest store and dial there with many shoppers and store employees around you. Always remember that unaware individuals are uniquely vulnerable in parking lots. Most stores have cameras, but not all parking areas do.

Another consideration would be to ask such a stranger what the call is for — if it were a true emergency that you could verify or likely believe, then your "good Samaritan" actions could kick in.

Who knows what agenda or issue this young man had at the time. He was at a mall where many stores — with telephones — exist, so I wouldn't worry too much about not rolling with his blunt request.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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