DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and so is the girl I'm dating. We've been dating for seven months and really care for each other. We both have strong religious convictions and abstain from alcohol, drugs, tobacco and premarital sex. Much of her time is spent going to school activities and movies. We don't go out — we spend time at her house listening to music or baking cookies.
The thing that concerns me is her parents don't seem to be very friendly. They rarely talk to me when I'm in their house and when I leave, they never say goodbye. I'm starting to think they don't like me. I've talked to my girlfriend about this and she told me I'm just super sensitive and shouldn't worry. But when we go to my house, my parents are friendly toward my girlfriend. They make her feel welcome and comfortable.
I'm thinking of having a private talk with her parents to find out what the problem might be. Should I do it without telling my girlfriend or should I tell her before I actually talk with her parents? Also, should I include my girlfriend in this meeting? — Feeling unwelcome, via email
FEELING: Forget about having any kind of meeting with the parents with or without your girlfriend. Their style maybe different from your parents, but they approve of you. If they didn't, they wouldn't allow you to spend time in their house with their daughter. Just continue being patient and polite: I'm sure you'll notice them thaw as they grow used to you. You have no need to worry. Smile and be respectful in your interactions with them. Human nature will take over from there — in a positive way.
WHY DO TEENS COMMIT SUICIDE?
DR: WALLACE: I just returned home from the funeral of a 17-year-old friend who committed suicide. All the people who knew him are in shock. All I heard at the service was that he was the last person you would have thought would want to take his own life. All kinds of rumors were floating around, including some that were quite far-fetched.
Just for my information, why do teens kill themselves? Do more girls or guys commit suicide? — Tony, Queens, NY.
TONY: A university of California research team interviewed over 6,000 teens who had attempted suicide and compare to their life histories with teens who had never considered suicide. The data revealed that family problems, death of a loved one and a break up of the romantic relationships were the three most common reasons why teens took their lives.
These three situations can result in confusion, loneliness and depression. The teen then feels hopeless, isolated and abandoned, and decides there is only one way to be at peace — self-destruction. The teen years, due to the emotional and physical changes occurring in the brain, are difficult for almost every teen.
I often get inquiries from readers who wonder why a young person would commit suicide when an entire promising life ahead. Teens have no perspective on their troubles. They don't know that they will emerge from them and that life will eventually be very much worth living again. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death for adults in the United States but for teens it ranks third. I'd like to give our readers some valuable information here.
The suicide prevention lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255.
Some of the urgent warning signs of suicide include:
—Talking about feeling hopeless, having no reason to live
—Talking about feeling trapped, unbearable pain
—Talking about being a burden to others
—Increasing use of alcohol, drugs
—Sleeping too little or too much
—Withdrawing, isolating themselves
Should you notice these symptoms in anyone around you, please intervene in a compassionate, earnest and non-judgmental way. You may just save a tremendously valuable life!
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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