DR. WALLACE: I have been dating this guy for six months and I really like him a lot. We are both sixteen and we have great times when we are together. He's everything a girl could want. He's intelligent, charming, and has a great sense of humor. His only flaw is that he has a hard time controlling his sex drive and he has been putting pressure on me to have sex with him. His argument is that "We're in love, and lovers have sex." I keep telling him that I'm not ready for a sexual relationship, but he always wants to know when I will be ready, so I just say, "Later." When I tell him this he must think that I mean on our next date, and it starts all over again with him being aggressive.

I really need your advice because I absolutely do not plan to have sex until I'm married. How can I make him understand so I won't have to keep dealing with his begging? — Nameless, Austin, Tex.

NAMELESS: You need to tell your boyfriend just what you have told me in your letter: You are absolutely not going to have sex until you're married, and his sexual aggressiveness is a huge turnoff.

By merely saying, "Later," you're giving him false encouragement. This is not a time to be subtle. Tell it like it is. If he truly cares for you, he'll accept your decision and stop being a jerk. If he ends the relationship, rest assured he was more interested in sex than he was in you.

DON'T GIVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO STRANGERS

DR. WALLACE: A couple of weeks ago, some girls approached me and tried to persuade me to come to a lecture at their church. They asked for my telephone number, and thinking that they wouldn't call, I gave it to them. Well, they called and really put pressure on me to attend this church lecture. It seemed that they wouldn't take no for an answer. I kept making up excuses and finally had to lie to get them off of my back. I'm sorry that I did, but they were just too pushy.

Now I feel guilty that I lied. I told them that I attend church every Sunday and would never change churches. Dr. Wallace, I don't go to church every Sunday, but I am a believer and I pray every day, but I still continue to feel guilty. Help! — Alexis, Jackson, Tenn.

ALEXIS: Your first mistake was giving your telephone number to strangers. Don't do this again. Your second mistake was talking to these girls once they called. A simple, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested, please don't call again," should have been your message before you hung up.

All you did was complicate your life by failing to be straight with these persistent girls. The simple, direct truth generally works wonders. It lets others know you're in charge of your life. If you're wishy-washy, they won't leave you alone.

You needn't feel guilty, but since you pray every day, ask for forgiveness and I'm sure you will be forgiven. Consider this a valuable lesson in assertiveness training.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Tom Jensen