DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and met a really sweet guy at a San Francisco Giants baseball game. I gave him my phone number when he asked for it and we went out three times. On our last date he asked me how old I was and I told him. When I asked his age, he said he was 19.
Yesterday, our mutual friend called and said she heard through the grapevine that I was dating Kurt. She then warned me that he always tries to date younger girls and that he is actually 24. She advised me to stop dating him. I said I would.
Last night Kurt called and when I asked him how old he was, he started laughing and said, "How did you find out I wasn't 19?" When I didn't answer him, he said, "You are a sweet girl and I won't be seeing you anymore." Then he hung up.
I really liked him, but I was not about to go out with him after I found out his real age. My parents would flip if they knew I dated a 24-year-old guy, so I hope they don't find out. Why do older guys have this "thing" for younger girls? Do they think we're naive? — Nameless, Nashville, Tenn.
NAMELESS: Most older guys who chase younger girls suffer from low self-esteem and find it difficult to compete with their peers for females their own age. That sends them to younger girls, where the competition is less challenging and they feel more confident.
YOUR ANSWER SHOULD NEVER BE "MAYBE LATER"
DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have been dating Tyler for over six months. He's handsome, extremely intelligent, a superb athlete and he has a wonderful sense of humor. Everybody who knows him, including my family, likes him. All of the girls I know think I'm a very lucky girl to have such a super boyfriend. I care for Tyler very much and that's why I'm dating him.
When we're out on a date, he's considerate, courteous and very, very humorous. He also has a very strong sex drive. After our second or third date, he started to put pressure on me to have sex and now sometime during our time together he always brings it up. He's not overly aggressive, but he does plead and beg me to "go all the way."
At first I told him, "No way." But that didn't stop him. Lately I've been telling him I'm not ready for sex and I've even told him, "Not now, maybe later," hoping to stall him. He never gets mad when I say no, but he just keeps asking. What should I do to make him understand that no means no and yet not drive him away? I really do like him. — Kelly, Toledo, Ohio.
KELLY: Your answer must always be "No!" He understands this word. When you tell him, "Maybe later," you are giving him false hope. The next time you go out with Tyler, at the beginning of the date tell him that you care for him a lot, but that you are tired of his begging and pleading for sex and that your answer will always be no, and that if he continues to pressure you, you will ask him to take you home. Eventually, he'll get the message.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.