United States Tops Pregnancy Rates, by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR. WALLACE: I am surprised by the number of girls at our high school who have become pregnant. It seems like every month or so another coed is in the family way. Last summer I spent two months in Holland with my cousin and we discussed teenage pregnancy. She said it wasn't a problem there, and she didn't know anyone who was pregnant and unmarried.

Are our young people more promiscuous than teens in other countries or does it just seem that way? — Nameless, Oakland, Calif.

NAMELESS: According to a study by the Guttmacher Institute, U.S. teenagers become pregnant, give birth and have abortions at significantly higher rates compared to teens in other industrial nations. Also, the United States, according to the report, is the only developed country where teenage pregnancy has been increasing in recent years.

The pregnancy rate for Americans 15 to 19 years old stands at 96 per 1,000, compared with 14 per 1,000 in the Netherlands, 35 in Sweden, 43 in France, 44 in Canada and 45 in England and Wales. The teenage abortion rate for the U.S. was found to be as high as the combined abortion and birth rates for the other countries studied.

Overall, the study concluded that the lowest rates of teenage pregnancy were in countries that had liberal attitudes toward sex, comprehensive programs in sex education and easily accessible contraceptive services —with contraceptives being offered free or at low cost, without parental notification.

The level of sexual activity is not what accounts for the notably high rates of adolescent pregnancy in the United States. That level was roughly the same in every country in the case study. One of the major culprits was the failure of U.S. teens to use contraceptives.

TELL YOUR FRIEND THE TRUTH

DR. WALLACE: I'm 12 and live in a smoke-free home. My parents do not smoke and I like it that way. Carley is my best friend. When I visited her house, I thought I would choke to death. Both her parents and her older brother are chain smokers.

After a few visits, I chose not to return. Carley now comes to my house, but is curious why I won't visit her place anymore. I've stalled telling her my reason because I didn't want her to feel bad.

Should I continue to stall or should I be blunt and tell her I can't stand the smoke in her house? — Sandra, Newport Beach, Calif.

SANDRA: By all means, tell her! Carley's own health is at risk. This is a far more important matter than whether her feelings get hurt. Let her know that the secondhand smoke in her house has caused breathing problems for you, and for the sake of your health you no longer can subject yourself to it.

Tell her you'll be glad to visit her again if her parents and brother stop smoking indoors. For Carley's sake, I hope this happens soon.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, JULY 3, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Move On And Make New Friends

DR. WALLACE: Darcey and I have been best friends for more than three years. When we became friends, we promised that we would never steal a boyfriend from one another.

About a year ago, Darcey started dating a cute guy. The first time I met him, he gave me the eye and the second time I saw him he asked me for my telephone number. I told him that since he was dating my best friend, I would not be interested in going out with him. He even tried to date me after he broke up with Darcey, but I would have no part of it because I knew that Darcey still had strong feelings for him.

Last month I met Lonnie at a church picnic. We hit it off well and started dating. About two weeks later, I introduced Lonnie to Darcey. Lonnie and I were on a date, and he drove by her house so I could return a jacket I had borrowed from her. About three days later, Lonnie called me and said he no longer wanted to date me, but wondered if we could remain friends. I didn't know what to say so I said, ’??I think so.’??

Well, it seems that I lost two friends at the same time. Darcey and Lonnie are now dating ’?¶ she didn't even have the courtesy to tell me that Lonnie had asked her out. I called her last night and told her I was very unhappy that she had stolen my boyfriend. All she could say was, ’??I didn't steal him. He stopped dating you before I decided to go out with him. I made sure of that.’??

It makes my stomach sick when I know these two ’??friends’?? of mine are together. My sister says that best friends stay friends forever. Do you believe that's true? Also, who is more to blame, Darcey or Lonnie? — Shannon, Kokomo, Ind.

SHANNON: This is a rough blow. There's no real relief from the sting of this double loss except time. Darcey did you wrong and merits, as far as I'm concerned, the lion's share of the blame in the matter.

Your best bet is to forget about both of them, seek out new friendships and, in general, get on with your life.

SEX PLAYED A PART IN FAILED RELATIONSHIP

DR. WALLACE: You recently told a girl the best way to ruin a relationship with a boy is to engage in sex with him.

Not so! I am 16 and last year my boyfriend and I started a wonderful sexual relationship. Instead of breaking us up, sex made us closer than ever in more ways than one. We were totally in love, mentally, spiritually and physically.

I'll admit that we are not going together now, but that's because he found a girl he cared for a little more for than me. Let's just say we are now ’??divorced,’?? but it doesn't take away the wonderful love we shared. —Peggy, Newton, N.J.

PEGGY: Did it ever occur to you that if you had not had a sexual relationship with this boy, he still might be your boyfriend?

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, JULY 4, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

School Should Reward More Than Academics

DR. WALLACE: I read your column where a lady felt it wasn't right for fast food restaurant companies to give discount coupons as rewards to students. I am the manager at Sonic Drive Inn in Fulton, Miss., and we give coupons as rewards to exceptional academic students. We present these ’??rewards’?? to give back to the community. We hope the students will enjoy our food and return at a later date to have lunch.

Our school relies on donations to support student extracurricular activities, and I'm proud to say that we donate for this worthy cause. But we are aware that if a student receives an award coupon it's the parent's decision if they choose to allow the child to eat at Sonic. —Melissa, Fulton, Miss.

MELISSA: As a former high school principal in California, our Pacifica students were rewarded for academics, attendance and citizenship excellence.

These rewards included preferred automobile campus parking, reduced costs for yearbooks and class rings, sports attendance tickets and free admission to school drama productions.

It wasn't a perfect program, but it had more pluses than minuses. I believe in student reward programs when fair to all of the students, not only the academically gifted.

DON`T TURN BACK ON FRIEND

DR. WALLACE: Kelly and I have been best friends since we were in kindergarten together. We are now both 17. In the past four months, she has had a baby and has married the baby's father. My mom doesn't want me to be close friends with Kelly anymore. In fact, she doesn't want me to see her at all.

I will find this hard to do. I like Kelly very much and she is my best friend. Best friends stay together; they don't split because one gets married and has a child. Your opinion will be appreciated. —Angela, Rochester, Minn.

ANGELA: I agree that best friends should stay together through thick and thin, and see no good reason for you to end your relationship with Kelly. However, you should realize that your friend will have far less time for you these days. Her prime responsibilities will be ensuring the health and welfare of her child and building a strong marriage.

While it's important for you to stay in touch with Kelly, this is also a good time for you to reach out and make new friends.

BE CAREFUL WHEN BUILDING RELATIONSHIP WITH FATHER

DR. WALLACE: My parents are divorced and I live with my mother. Once a month, I spend a weekend (by court order) with my father and his wife. I literally despise my father and all he stands for. He is a despicable human being. I'm 17 and when I turn 18 his child support ends and so do my monthly visits to him.

My mom is a wonderful lady. She encourages me to have a good relationship with my father. She wants me to continue having personal contact with him after I turn 18. I say no way! Still, I would like your opinion. —Violet, Detroit, Mich.

VIOLET: You didn't provide me any details about why you feel as you do about your father, but certainly if you find him despicable you would be justified in breaking off contact.

Perhaps at some point you'll be able to forgive him. If that occurs, you may want to consider cautiously letting him back into your life.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, JULY 5, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Mom Needs To Stop Smoking

DR. WALLACE: My mother has been smoking a pack of cigarettes a day ever since she was 16. She is now 37. Mom has been a single parent ever since I was born. She chose not to marry my father because he was physically abusive.

Mom and I are very close. Even though she is my parent, we are best friends. I don't know what I'd do if something terrible happened to her; we have no living relatives.

I've tried my best to get mom to quit smoking. At least she doesn't smoke in the house anymore. That's because I've convinced her that secondhand smoke is harmful to me and our pet cat.

Last week she promised to quit smoking after she finished her carton of cigarettes ’?¶ she had eight packs to go. Every day I keep reminding her to keep her promise and I also count her unopened packs. Any information you can relay to me regarding health and smoking will be deeply appreciated. — Margo, Hobart, Ind.

MARGO: I'll make this a positive message for mom. If a smoker would give up his/her habit, according to the Cancer Society, the facts are:

1. Twenty minutes after smoking a cigarette, blood pressure and pulse rate drop to normal.

2. Within eight hours, the carbon monoxide and oxygen levels in the blood return to normal and ’??smoker's breath’?? disappears.

3. Within three days, the smoker will breathe easier.

4. Within one to nine months, the smoker will feel more energetic and cough less; the cilia that sweep debris from the lungs will grow back.

5. Within two years, the heart attack risk drops to near normal and, finally, within five years the lung cancer risk drops by half.

Your daughter needs you and loves you, Mom. Just about the best gift you could give her would be to keep your promise and begin life as a nonsmoker.

This is also the best gift you could give yourself.

DIET PILLS ARE ADDICTIVE

DR. WALLACE: An overweight teen wrote asking if it would be safe for her to lose 30 pounds by taking diet pills. I was surprised that you told her she shouldn't take them because of health reasons. I was 40 pounds overweight last year and with the help of diet pills I am now down to my normal weight of 120 pounds.

Diet pills work. They suppress the desire to pig out. I would recommend diet pills to any teen who is overweight. I am living proof that they work! — Nameless, Tupelo, Miss.

NAMELESS: Yes, diet pills are effective. They also happen to be highly addictive and often cause far more problems than they solve. And weight one loses on a quickie, crash diet almost always creeps back. The only way to avoid this is to establish well-balanced, healthy eating habits.

I'm happy for your success in losing 40 pounds and hope you are an exception to the rule. But please don't let your success encourage you to push diet pills on others. There's only one healthy way to lose weight: proper eating combined with regular exercise. This method takes longer, but you won't wreck your health in the process.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SUNDAY, JULY 6, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Sister Isn't Gone Forever

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have a twin sister. We are fraternal, not identical. You can tell we are sisters, but we don't look the same. My twin met a guy at a party (I didn't go) and now she has little time for me. We used to spend all our free time doing things together, but now she is always with him or talking to him on the phone. When she does talk to me, it's about

Michael.

Every night I pray that he would move far away. I'm sure you think twins are supposed to be close, but now you know that they often are not. — Marie, Santa Ana, Calif.

MARIE: While I understand your frustration, I suggest you redirect your prayers. When boys enter the picture, they do play havoc among best friends, even when the best friends are twin sisters. But I promise, you'll live through this.

Your sister didn't abandon you. She's just waiting for you to find a guy too, so you can be a foursome.

FRIENDS AFFECT CHOICES

DR. WALLACE: I was disappointed in your response to Kendall in Dallas. You told him to dump the friends he's had since he entered high school because they were involved with alcohol and drugs. Never should a friend dump a friend for any reason!

The friends I have will be my friends until death do us part. I would be lost without their friendship. I actually spend more time with my friends than

I do with my family. My parents are not thrilled with my choice of friends, but they also believe they should not choose my friends. I don't drink or take drugs, and they trust me to remain alcohol-and-drug-free.

I'm positive that if you consider yourself a ’??perfect’?? human being, you won't have many friends. No one can live up to your standards.

I'm not saying that at some future date I won't drink or even experiment with a few drugs, but if that happens it won't be because my friends are doing it or are pressuring me to join them in their illegal activities. I'll join them because I choose to. — Todd, Oakland, Calif.

TODD: I'm happy that you are drug and alcohol-free even though your friends aren't. But I think you're kidding yourself if you believe the choices you make in life are 100 percent independent of the choices your friends make. Avoiding people who engage in dangerous and illegal behavior doesn't require a person to be flawless or maintain ’??perfect’?? standards. For proof, I need look no further than myself. I have an abundance of flaws, most of which, fortunately, my friends have chosen to overlook.

I urge you to read the following letter, which gives a frightening example of the possible consequences of our choice of friends:

DR. WALLACE: Many of your teen readers seem to think that no harm can come to them when they associate with friends who have questionable and often illegal habits. One doesn't have to join in these habits to get hurt.

Enclosed is a newspaper clipping where a teenage driver and his two teenage passengers were killed when their car struck a telephone pole. The teen driver was legally drunk, but his two passengers had no alcohol in their systems.

They were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time, with the wrong person. A gun is not necessary to play Russian roulette. It can be played just as fatally by associating with the wrong people. — Mike, Columbus, Ohio.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE MONDAY, JULY 7, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Taking Sister On Date Is Not Acceptable

DR. WALLACE: I turned 16 last week so this means that I am now allowed to date. But my parents have made one totally unacceptable rule. My 12-year-old sister must accompany the boy and me when we are on a date, no exceptions.

First of all, I seriously doubt that a boy would agree to have my younger sister tagging along on a date with us and this arrangement would embarrass me to no end. I'm a good student, I teach Sunday school to younger children, and

I've never been involved in alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. Honestly, I'm a good kid.

This dating restriction placed on me by my parents is utterly ridiculous.

They are telling me that I can't be trusted and that's a very bad feeling for me. Please give me your opinion of my situation. — Nameless, Santa Fe, NM.

NAMELESS: Your parents are making a big mistake. Sending your little sister along on your dates to act as chaperone can only be humiliating for all concerned. This is a case where overprotection is as bad as under-protection.

Trust is a precious commodity; it's at the core of a well-functioning family. If you haven't abused mom and dad's trust in you, they should nurture trust and gradually increase your independence. I'm amazed at parents who will trust everyone but their own children. Girls, especially, wind up chafing under undeserved mistrust. Boys are seldom watched as closely.

Ask your parents to reconsider this rule. Tell them that you will have your date stop by to meet them before the actual date and let them know a little about him. Tell them that you will always abide by their curfew.

Also, do your parents expect your little 12-year-old sister to be with you on a special occasion when the curfew is 11 p.m.?

SEEK GUIDANCE OF OTHERS FOR ADVICE

DR. WALLACE: Your column often urges teens to talk to a trusted adult about their problems. I have often longed for someone to help me through some of life's unfair twists. I have several people I feel I can talk to, but I'm not exactly sure how to ask for help and I'm worried that I'll just be a burden to them.

People consider me to ’??have my life together’?? and are unaware of the inner turmoil I've been experiencing. I am a shy person and was wondering if you could give me some suggestions for expressing myself. I've been struggling for a while and it's tearing me apart. — Sandy, Halifax, Nova Scotia.

SANDY: Don't continue to suffer in silence. Talking to someone about the important issues in your life may be a far simpler matter than you imagine.

Most people would be thrilled and honored to have someone, especially a young person, ask for advice and guidance. Far from regarding you as a burden, they would feel deeply validated as human beings.

You might try approaching someone by saying, ’??I need advice from a trusted adult and your name immediately came to mind. May I discuss a few things with you?’?? In the vast majority of cases, the answer will be yes.

Of course, in most cases, parents can help solve many teen concerns and would be happy to do so.