DR. WALLACE: I'm a guy who is a junior in high school and I'm planning for the next school year. There's a particular girl that I'd like to eventually date, but unfortunately, my timing was off towards the end of the school year. By the time I met her, she had already been dating another guy for seven weeks. I met her through a stroke of luck as she was hustling down one of the corridors on our high school campus. She ran into another girl and their books both went flying everywhere. I witnessed their collision and immediately started gathering the books for both of them. Fortunately, no one was hurt, and they were both impressed that I stopped what I was doing to help.
She thanked me profusely and told me how nice I was. I saw her a couple of more times during the school year, and both times we spoke briefly. She smiled sweetly at me and it was obvious we both felt quite comfortable talking with each other.
My plan for the next school year is to become her "supplemental" friend. By this, I mean that I won't directly ask her out, but I'll do my best to be as helpful to her as I can. I've already found out that she may need a tutor in one of the classes I'm really good at, for example. I could also offer to carry some of her books each day since she has so many, and I could do anything else for her that would save her time and energy, so she can focus on her studies. I won't say anything about her boyfriend, and I won't ask her out. But at some point, if they do break up next year, I want to be right there to ask her out immediately.
She and her family are vacationing with relatives in the Midwest for a month and a half. But I want to be ready to jump in and help her when she returns and school starts. What do you think? - Ready to Be a Supplemental Friend, via email
READY TO BE A SUPPLEMENTAL FRIEND: It's nice that you met her and the two of you had the opportunity to be quite comfortable speaking with each other. However, intentionally setting out to become a "supplemental" friend who will shadow her independently of the relationship she has with her existing boyfriend does not sound like a good idea to me.
Offering to carry her books and do her favors during the school day will likely not only look awkward, but also put you in a position that is not in your best interest in the long run. My advice is to carry on with a new dating life somewhere else, see how that goes and you can always monitor this girl's own situation from a distance. It's not wise to wait. You need to focus on your own social life, and also realize the possibility that she may never come free in the manner you're hoping for.
I'M AFRAID TO RIDE AT NIGHT WITH MY FATHER
DR. WALLACE: As a 16-year-old girl, I look up to my father. But he's human and he does some things that really worry me. For example, the other day he picked me up from a friend's house about 9 p.m. to drive me home.
He has this really awkward habit of letting go of the steering wheel and stretching out his arms towards the windshield like he's doing some sort of yoga or something. He'll do it with both arms at the same time and because he's going so fast, sometimes he has to grab the wheel quickly and the car kind of swerves suddenly, but then he pulls it back straight within a second or two. When this happens, it's very unnerving, and I'm undecided if I should say anything directly to him or if I should let my mother know about this. He's a great dad overall, but I'll admit I'm kind of scared to ride in a car with him, especially at night. — He Stretches and Swerves, via email
HE STRETCHES AND SWERVES: It would be better for you to diplomatically and calmly tell your mother about your experiences as a passenger in your father's car at night. Your mother has a vested interest and deep love for both you and your father, so she will certainly take tactful yet effective steps to remedy the situation for you and for her own peace of mind.
At your age, you don't need to be directly confrontational in each and every matter that comes up in front of you, but I absolutely commend you for writing to me on this issue because it is absolutely important. Share this information with your mother immediately, and once your father makes the necessary adjustments, he'll go right back to being the nearly perfect father you've known for so long.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Joakim Nådell at Unsplash
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