DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and want to start dating soon. My mother said I could, but I have to take my 11-year-old sister along with me on the date. I refuse to do that, even if it means I won't be dating. Can you imagine this? I'd be the laughing stock of my entire community of friends if I took my little sister along on a date. I don't think that guys would ever ask me out again! I think my mother is just telling me that she doesn't trust me, even though I've never given her any reason not to.
Please just answer yes or no to two questions, honestly, with no added comments. I can accept your answers even if you don't agree with me, and I'll wait until I can date without embarrassment!
Question No. 1: Do you think my 11-year-old sister should tag along when I go on a date with a boy?
Question No. 2: Do you think my mother is unreasonable in making this a condition of allowing me to date? — Older Sis, Longmont, Colorado
OLDER SIS: Answer to question No. 1: No! Answer to question No. 2: Yes!
P.S. To Older Sis' mother: If you trust that your daughter is a mature enough young lady and ready to date at this point, then having a young sister tag along is outrageous.
If you don't trust your daughter, for any reason, then she is not ready to date. In that case, having an 11-year-old sister going along is unnecessary anyhow. I think there are a lot of other places your 11-year-old daughter would enjoy better!
KEEP YOUR MORALS HIGH
DR. WALLACE: My best friend and I have known each other for about seven years, and we're in the 10th grade. We both have boyfriends we love and adore. We confide in each other about almost everything. At times, we even tend to over-share some details about our relationships.
Recently, my best friend lost her virginity to her boyfriend. I am still a virgin, and I plan to keep it that way for a while. My boyfriend is also a virgin, and I know he would like to have sex, but he respects my decision and doesn't pressure me to do anything.
The problem is that when my friend told me about her new experience, I developed, on some level, a type of competitive feeling. It's the type of feeling of, "Oh, everyone's doing it, so now I have to," like I have to "keep up" with my friend. And that's something I don't normally feel because I tend not to give into peer pressure. But the other part of me knows that I'm not ready in the slightest.
Do you have any advice on how to eliminate this sense of rivalry with my friend? — Anonymous, Mishawaka, Indiana
ANONYMOUS: I've been writing this column for many years, and I can tell you that premarital sex has caused more couples to end their relationships rather than cause their relationships to grow stronger. I have thousands of letters in my files from females who lost their virginities and, soon after, their boyfriends. Movies, television and even music lyrics like to make teens think that everyone is doing it. In reality, the majority of 16-year-old girls are still virgins. Keep your morals high! You will be glad that you did.
This topic may also give you pause as to "over-sharing" details about your respective relationships. There are many interesting things to share with your girlfriend without getting into intimate details about each other's personal relationships. Seek to keep your friendship with your girlfriend strong, while foregoing too much information about that one particular subject.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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