DR. WALLACE: Daniel and I have been friends for over two years. We both graduated in June and the day after graduation, he joined the Navy and was sent to boot camp in San Diego. Before he left, he called and asked if I would write him if he sent me his military address. I said I would. He wrote and I answered every one of his letters faithfully.
At first, he was telling me about his new experiences concerning military life. Then his letters started to become a bit romantic. It was like I was his steady girlfriend, even though I wasn't. But all this got me really excited because I have had a crush on Daniel ever since I first laid eyes on him. He even signed his last several letters "Love," Daniel.
About a week ago, he surprised me by calling and telling me he was coming home for a short leave and we'd be going out. This really made me feel good because we had never gone out on a date. Daniel arrived home on Tuesday. He called and we went out for "coffee" at about 3 p.m. He had me home by five. Our entire conversation was about his life in the Navy. He didn't mention one word about being glad to see me or anything at all about romance. When he took me home after our "date," he said he'd call me.
Well, I waited and waited and waited, but the phone didn't ring until Monday afternoon. He said his parents were driving him to the airport and he'd write to me just as soon as he got back to his San Diego base.
I know I have no reason to be depressed and upset, but that's exactly the way I feel. I think all he wanted was a pen pal to say, "I got mail" when mail was passed out to the recruits. What made things worse was that he was seen at a party with his ex-girlfriend. I truly believe I should have been the girl at the party with him.
I know he will start writing to me again. What should I do? My sister thinks I should write "return to sender" on the envelope and send his letters back to him unopened. This will send the message that I'm not satisfied with the hour of his time and one cup of coffee. My mother thinks I should continue writing him because she thinks he is "such a cute and polite boy." What's your opinion? — Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: The best way to let someone know how you feel is to respond directly. Returning his letters and opened may "send a message," but not a very precise one. You can convey far more with words then dramatic gestures. Continue writing to him. He's still a friend, and even though he disappointed you this time, you don't know what the future has in store, if anything, for Daniel and you. It's better for you to keep your options open than to write him off at this point.
YOU ARE A BULLY
DR. WALLACE: I protest your answer to a 13-year-old boy who weighs over 230 pounds who hit his younger sister because during a disagreement between the two, the brother hit the sister and made her cry because she called him "overweight" in an unkind way. You told him that he was a bully and that he should try to lose weight.
Well, I'm a 13-year-old girl and I recently walloped my 10-year-old sister and made her cry because she made the mistake of calling me a 'blimp.' And guess what? My sister got a whipping for calling me that and I wasn't punished. - Larger Sister, via email
SISTER: Your sister was cruel when she called you a name and deserved to be punished for that, but you also should have been punished because you are a "physical" bully. Physically hitting a sibling is not something that should ever be condoned; two wrongs never make things right.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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