DR. WALLACE: I'm worried about my best girl friend. She has a lot of family pressure on her from her parents when it comes to her grades and getting accepted next fall into a good university.

She also is a sports star at our school, so she puts a lot of time into her practices and her games. I know this because I'm not only her friend but one of her teammates too.

And not only does she have those two pressures, but her boyfriend is also a football player at our school and their once "fairy tale" relationship has suddenly become very rocky. The way things are going for the two of them I feel a breakup will be in their near future.

Because of all these things, she seems to be really depressed and worried. Lately she never seems happy, and she always talks to me about feeling like she's under so much pressure to succeed at everything she does. She's a strong person overall, but as her friend I still worry about her. I want to support her as a friend and the last thing I want to see happen is for her to have any sort of breakdown.

I intend to always be there for her, so my question is: How do I best help her or advise her at this tricky point in her life? — Concerned About My Best Friend, via email

CONCERNED ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND: You are indeed a good friend, and the fact that you are noticing how much pressure she's under at this time puts you in a position to potentially help her.

Start by telling your friend that all situations change and evolve and that once time has passed, things will look differently in hindsight versus how they seemed in the moment. Use her relationship as a starting point. Tell her that she should not feel any pressure now to maintain a difficult relationship that seems to be fracturing anyhow. By taking some time off from dating, this will give her more time for her academic and athletic pursuits.

She has a lifetime in front of her to meet the right person for a personal romantic relationship, but she only has a limited amount of time to enjoy her high school athletic career. Similarly, her grades and college ambitions also come with an expiration date in that once she completes her high school diploma and ultimately is accepted into a college she wishes to attend, things should level off in terms of pressure. She can then focus on getting good grades in college without having to chase admissions down.

Finally, tell her that you'll always be there for her and ask her how you can best help alleviate some of the pressure she's feeling. Perhaps you can spend more time together if she does indeed end her current relationship with her boyfriend.

'PEER PRESSURE' SOUNDS DUMB

DR. WALLACE: We will soon be out of school in our part of the country as our last day is in late May, not June like the schools back where we used to live.

Anyhow, one of my teachers told the girls in one of our classes not to fall into "peer pressure" this summer.

She said that peer pressure occurs when a group convinces an individual to do something that the individual would not normally do by themself.

This teacher gave the example that some girls might convince another girl to steal something from a store on a dare. Well, I'm a girl, but I already know that I would not steal anything from a store at the mall no matter who tried to tell me to do this. Therefore, I think the whole topic of peer pressure is overblown and just nonsense that parents make up to scare kids. Why do we always hear so much about peer pressure? — Sounds Dumb to Me, via email

SOUNDS DUMB TO ME: Peer pressure is indeed real and goes far beyond daring someone to steal an item from a store. It's also definitely not only about theft.

The most common form of peer pressure relates to smoking, taking drugs or drinking alcohol when underage. If your teacher only gave you one single example of stealing an item from a store, he or she did you a disservice by not explaining the broad scope of peer pressure and how it can adversely affect individuals, especially teenagers, negatively.

Imagine a scenario where you are at a party with three popular girls who you just met. They are drinking whiskey right out of a bottle, and they pass it around. The third girl then hands you the bottle. Would you drink out of it? Their actions imply "peer pressure," and this phenomenon can apply to almost any situation be it drinking, drugs, sex, violence, theft, bullying and myriad other topics.

Peer pressure is best avoided; an individual should stick to their personal moral code and character and not be negatively impacted by behavior they engage in in an effort to "fit it."

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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