DR. WALLACE: I met this guy at my cousin's house recently. He's my cousin's best friend, and he asked me out. I said yes, and the following weekend we went to the movies together. I found him to be basically nice, but somewhat weird. Following a reasonable time on our first date, he then invited me to go to a beach party the next Saturday. I again said yes, as I felt I had nothing better to do. Well, on that second date I saw the tattoos on his legs for the first time. On his left leg he has a large "busty" tattoo of a nude woman. His tattoo made him look stupid in my eyes, but all of his macho guy friends thought it was cool.
That night when he took me back home, I boldly told him that his nude woman tattoo looked stupid. This made him angry. He swore at me, hopped in his car, and then sped away.
My cousin later told me that this guy is really mad at me and that he said I needed to take a course in proper etiquette. I told my cousin that any guy with a nude woman tattooed on his body proved to me he was stupid and I was simply being honest.
So do I really need a course in etiquette, or was I just being honest with my opinions to this guy? And by the way, no, there will not be a third date! — Disinterested, Portland, Ore.
DISINTERESTED: You were being honest, but you were also being rude. At the very least, you might have gotten your message across by using an adjective other than the word "stupid," which often can be inflammatory, depending on the context in which it's used. Next time you wish to voice your opinion in a similar situation, use a softer word to get your point across. This way you can make your point and stay within the bounds of "conversational etiquette"! And by the way, I agree that a third date is not a good idea. Forget about this guy, as the two of you are definitely not meant for each other.
PARENTS SHOULD CONSIDER YOUR FEELINGS
DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and have been taking piano lessons ever since I was 4. I really enjoyed playing the piano and even enjoy taking my lessons with my instructor. I hope someday I can earn a living playing the piano professionally. A concert pianist would be a great goal for me to achieve.
My parents are very proud of my playing. They were both born in Korea, where music is very important in almost all families. My only problem is that my parents want me to play "a little song" whenever visitors come over to our house. My father is a medical doctor, and we have many houseguests each week. I personally don't enjoy playing for guests whom I don't know. It makes me feel like my parents are forcing my music on them. I'm sure some of them are bored when I play a symphony piece.
I like my recitals and playing before a larger public audience, but when I'm at home I enjoy playing video games with my friends, not performing in front of my parents' friends and houseguests. Do you feel I'm being unreasonable? — Nameless, Orange County, Calif.
NAMELESS: Your parents are very proud of your musical talent, and naturally want you to share it with their friends and acquaintances. But they also need to consider your feelings about this matter. It would be disastrous if these forced performances wound up making you dislike playing the piano overall. There are times when you should be allowed to just be a normal 14-year-old teen, not a musical prodigy.
Show my answer here to Mom and Dad and see if something can be worked out where you perform only occasionally at home and then for only a very short period of time. Hopefully this can balance both your and your parents' wishes. Besides, it's always good to have your performances end such that the audience wishes for more!
YOU ARE NOT UNATTRACTIVE
DR. WALLACE: I'm 20, and I never dated in high school. I'm a nice person, but I'm not considered attractive. I'm now dating a guy who works in my office. He is nice, but I'm not in love with him. Last week he asked me to marry him even though we have only been dating for seven months. What should I do? I don't want to end up husbandless!! - Nameless, via email
NAMELESS: Don't commit to marriage until you love your future husband unconditionally. Even more importantly, don't ever consider yourself unattractive. As you discover the various facets of your inner and outer beauty and bring it out in the presence of others, more and more people will notice this beauty you possess. Believe me, you won't wind up "husbandless."
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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