DR. WALLACE: I know that you never encourage young teen girls to date older guys, but my case is the exception. Dave and I met 10 years ago when I was an old 14 and he was 23. We were instantaneously attracted to each other on a physical basis, but because of a nine-year age difference, we resisted the tremendous temptation to indulge our feelings. But after a year, we discovered that we had many common interests, hopes and dreams. At this point, we had no romance, but we had a true, spiritual friendship. Before I was 16, I was devotedly in love with him, and he with me.
Just as our relationship was reaching utopia his company decided to transfer him 500 miles away from me. Panic and fear raced through my blood. Separation appeared to be the inevitable, tragic conclusion. I refused to accept that, so I boldly proposed marriage. Dave was totally shocked! Every measure of logic shouted that a marriage consisting of a 16-year-old and a 25 year-old was destined for failure.
Eight years ago I married the most magnificent and finest man God created! He not only saw me through two years of high school, but also four years of college. What more can I say?
If I had listened to the advice of well-meaning friends, relatives and authorities like you, Dave and I would have separated. Just to get my parents to sign the marriage consent forms, I had to lie and tell them that I was pregnant. I imagine that you never condone this type of marriage because so few work.
Mine was the glorious exception. As a social worker, I deal with youth myself. My successful marriage hasn't blinded me to statistics so I seldom condone youthful marriages. I just wanted for you to realize that some do work. — Amanda, Houston, Tex.
AMANDA: The primary reason I'm opposed to serious affairs and marriage before teens are out of high school is that I believe it robs them of their chances to be individuals, to have independence, and to enjoy an active school social life.
I'm aware that some young relationships and marriages are beautiful and lasting, but the odds are against them and I've got to go with the odds. You have proven that the odds are not always correct facts.
MY BOYFRIEND WANTS US TO LIVE TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE
DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and the guy I love is 22. He confesses to love me more than any other human being, including himself. He has an apartment and I live at home with my parents. He has been married and his baby daughter is with his ex. He wants me to move in with him for a number of reasons. First, we love each other, next we can save money because I am about to get my own apartment, and last, but not least, we can find out if we are compatible. He said that he didn't have the luxury of living with his ex-wife before they were married so he didn't know they were not a match until after they were married.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of a couple living together before marriage to find out if they are compatible. I want to get married. He says that couples who marry without living together first have a one chance in three of winding up in divorce court. I told him that I doubt that figure, but he's adamant that it's a fact. Is it? - Curious, Hobart, Ind.
CURIOUS: The guy you love has his percentage correct, but it's for successful marriages, not failures. The American Council of Life Insurance reports that 63 couples out of each 100 marriages remain together and that only 47 couples out of 100 marriages remained husband and wife when they lived together before marriage. They just couldn't handle the responsibilities that went along with being husband and wife.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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