DR. WALLACE: Without going into all the details of my personal life, I can tell you that I have noticed something a bit odd over the past six to eight weeks. It seems that several people are trying to tell me something, as I've never received so much unsolicited advice in my life!

I also find this puzzling because I'm receiving it from family members, friends and even acquaintances, some of whom don't even know each other. I am in the midst of making some bigger life decisions here soon, so my question is, should I give serious thought to whatever everyone is saying to me, or should I just carry on as I normally do? I generally plan ahead, follow my own intuition and although not every decision of mine is perfect, I tend to do pretty well overall. — Are They Trying to Tell Me Something? via email

ARE THEY TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING: Your question is an interesting one indeed and I do feel there are some things you could stop and consider at this point.

There are times in our lives when those who know us well feel the need to point something out that they feel is important and in our best interests. Now, this does not necessarily mean that everyone is right and a particular path or decision that you, as an individual, may choose is incorrect, but it is an indicator that you should at least pause and ponder the situation rather than summarily brushing it off immediately.

Could it be that you were hoping for a certain resolution that may or may not be realistic? Could it be that your desires and hopes may have colored your perspective accordingly? My advice would be to imagine the situation you find yourself in as if you were a third party, looking at other people giving advice to another person who is a stranger to you. What would you make of the situation from both perspectives? Obviously, those giving advice are doing so earnestly, but they may or may not have enough of the facts or background information necessary to justify a course correction or course change.

Take your time and really do some deep thinking about this situation before you make your final decisions. Doing so will likely benefit you no matter what final direction you ultimately take.

I DON'T ALWAYS EXPLAIN THINGS WELL

DR. WALLACE: As a guy who doesn't speak as much and perhaps not as well as my girlfriend, there are times I find myself not using the correct words to explain things properly, especially to her.

Sometimes this causes misunderstandings either in the moment or down the line when she believes I was saying something different than what I intended to say originally. None of these situations involved any huge issues or monumental misunderstandings, but they have caused some discomfort and even mild friction between us once in a while.

How can I avoid future misunderstandings, especially when I'm not the type to go into great detail explaining things in the first place? — I Don't Always Use the Correct Words, via email.

I DON'T ALWAYS USE THE CORRECT WORDS: The first thing that comes to my mind is that you should summarize your thoughts or intentions after a conversation with your girlfriend. Think of it as a recap, or a summary in a textbook chapter that goes into great detail regarding various points that were previously explained, but ends with one nice paragraph that ties everything up.

Simply stating your summary or asking her for her interpretation of what the two of you just spoke about, agreed to or planned to do should be mutually beneficial. Communication is essential for good relationships, especially close relationships with romance involved.

It's often said that actions speak louder than words and that's true to some degree, but failing to clarify words or summarize one's intentions can leave some pesky loose ends that may be subject to misinterpretation.

A further useful tool to you after the fact could be to send brief but very clear text messages to your girlfriend that clearly indicate your understanding of a situation or plan. This allows for back-and-forth and clarification if needed, while time still exists before any misunderstanding may arise.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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