DR. WALLACE: I have big plans to get totally and completely drunk after I graduate high school in a few months. My best friend and I are going to get a couple of bottles of really nice whiskey and celebrate our graduation by drinking until we can't stand up any longer.

Please don't lecture me on this. We have agreed that our celebration will merely be a one-time thing between us as great friends who survived four years of high school — with a full year of that time mired in a pandemic, no less.

We've decided that we're going to do it at his family's house because his parents won't be home. I'm wondering: How long it will take for me to become completely sober after I'm stone-cold drunk?

I have plans to go to breakfast the following morning with other friends that I'm graduating with, but since I don't have experience with heavy drinking, I'm not sure what time I should tell these other friends I'll arrive. Will setting an alarm on my cell phone and taking a long cold shower help me to be ready to go around 8:00 a.m. thE next morning? — Planning One Big Night, via email

PLANNING ONE BIG NIGHT: It takes roughly one hour for every drink consumed to leave your body, and I am here to tell you that there are no shortcuts. The only thing that will eventually sober you up is time; nothing else can help your body rid itself of large quantities of alcohol. Consuming hot coffee and taking cold showers as a method to sober up quickly are sheer myths.

I strongly urge you not to follow through with this plan in any way, shape or form. But what's the big deal about getting "stone-cold drunk," as you put it? It's extremely dangerous, and you likely will "black out" which may cause your body to shut down. Drinking yourselves into a coma is literally possible; so is alcohol poisoning. You mention this would be a "one-time" event; please consider that if you follow through on this plan, it may indeed be a one-time event, but not in the manner you are thinking about right now.

Furthermore, your inexperience at drinking large quantities of alcohol may cause you and your friend to make very, very bad decisions that could permanently impact your lives and the lives of family members and innocent strangers, as well.

Please follow my advice as I warn you not to do this. Plan instead to go out to a very nice dinner, tell funny, heartfelt stories about your years in school and drink only nonalcoholic beverages that evening. You will then have no problem making your breakfast appointment the next morning.

I'M UNCOMFORTABLE ASKING MY FATHER

DR. WALLACE: My mother died two years ago, and I'm an only child and live with my father. I'm only 13 and I have questions about sex, but I'm too uncomfortable to ask my father.

Who should I ask about this? I would be too embarrassed to ask my very nice dad, but I don't want to be the last one in my class at school to learn about what's up with sex and all of the other issues that go along with it. I know sex is an important topic in life, especially for adults. I'm not interested in rushing into it, but I do want to understand the correct facts right from the beginning so that I can make good, informed decisions for myself. - Curious and Nervous Daughter, via email

CURIOUS AND NERVOUS DAUGHTER: If you feel uncomfortable talking to your father about sex, you should talk to a trusted female relative, guidance counselor, your family doctor or a nurse.

You are a very wise young lady to seek to learn about this topic from adults who will explain things with your best interests in mind. You don't want to rely on rumors, innuendos or the opinions of other young teenagers who may not have all of the correct facts. I commend you for seeking the correct information in a serious manner. I'm sure you will be able to find a trusted adult who can help provide you the information you seek.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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