DR. WALLACE: I'm 18, and my boyfriend is 20. We have been dating for over a year now, and we started having sex five months ago, about two weeks after my 18th birthday. I was a virgin, and my boyfriend is the only person I have ever been sexually active with. Several weeks ago, I found out that my "boyfriend" has been having sex with several other girls. My best friend told me. She knew because two of the girls are friends of her cousins. I was shocked and very upset to hear this!
When I confronted my boyfriend with this bit of information, of course, he denied it. But the next day, after giving him the silent treatment, he finally admitted his sexual flings with four other girls in a two-month period. I was under the impression that we were going to be faithful to each other. Wow, was I completely naive and very wrong!
I told him at first that I would have to think things over for a week or two. He called me many times and even begged me to get back together. His apologies seemed sincere, but his actions shook me to my core.
Finally, after two weeks to clear my head, I came to the conclusion that I would stop dating him forever. He was not happy to hear of my decision, but he told me that he would always care for me and that he understood and respected my decision.
Even though I will never go out with him again, I'm concerned. I'm positive I'm not pregnant, but I guess there is a possibility that I have a sexually transmitted disease, and that bothers me. In fact, I feel dirty.
Should I gamble that I'm not infected, or should I see a doctor to be sure? I can't go to our family doctor because he goes to our church. He and my parents have no idea that I have been sexually active recently. — No Longer a Virgin, via email
NO LONGER: You should see a doctor as soon as possible. Talk to a female counselor or your physical education teacher, and ask her to recommend a female gynecologist. You will feel more comfortable in discussing your situation with her. Please do it as soon as possible. You don't want to take a risk with your health.
THESE PARENTS MADE A MISTAKE
DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and recently had the shock of my life. I recently found out that my parents adopted my older brother. I found this out because my brother (who was away at college) recently came home to live with our family again during this time of the COVID-19 virus. My brother and I were watching a movie late last Saturday night in the basement when he got real serious and told me that he had something he needed to tell me. Once the movie ended, he hit the mute button and then just stared at me. It was eerie how quiet he got, and I actually was scared at first! We were both so silent you could have heard a pin drop. Finally, he told me all about how he learned he was adopted on the day of his 14th birthday, and he said our parents made him promise that he would never tell me.
I'm amazed they all kept this secret so long. Now my parents wonder why I'm making such a big deal about something they call "so small." Well, if it was such a small thing, why didn't they share this information with me a long time ago?
Do you see this situation as something small that I'm blowing out of proportion? And by the way, I gave my brother a big hug and told him I loved him and that he will always be my big brother. — Shocked Little Sister, via email
SHOCKED LITTLE SISTER: Your parents indeed made a serious mistake, in my opinion. You should have been informed that your brother was adopted at the same time your brother was informed.
But what is done is done! Please don't allow this to ruin your relationship with your parents. They are human, and I believe they made a mistake. Leave it at that! The good news is you can learn a life lesson via this experience — one about not keeping secrets about important family matters, no matter how uncomfortable they might seem at first.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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