DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old girl who has a major dilemma. Do I try to win back a guy I love who has treated me like dirt, or do I stay with the guy I like who treats me like a lady?
About three months ago, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me because he said he had grown tired of me. We had been together for about six months, and I still love him very much, even though he was very crude and often treated me poorly.
He never would be seen with me in public, and he constantly stood me up but never apologized. It's like he only saw me when he felt like it in the moment.
I was a virgin when I met this boy, and he has been my only sexual partner to date. The last month we were still "dating," we had sex every time we were together, usually four or five times a week, and he even made me do it twice a day sometimes. It was like he couldn't get enough of me. Since we broke up, we have not been in contact with each other at all, not even one phone call or text. But I do know where he is and how to get in touch with him at his job.
These days, I am dating a real sweetheart of a boy who treats me like a lady. I couldn't ask to be treated better. He is polite, kind, considerate and a complete gentleman. He doesn't expect anything more than a goodnight kiss. I should be very happy but sadly, I'm not. I still love my ex-boyfriend, and I think I'd like to have him back. I'm not sure what I should do. Please give me your advice. — Agonizing, via email
AGONIZING: You are writing to me because you already know what I'm going to suggest you do. My guess is that you just want to see it in print! Well, if that is the case, you've got your wish. Forget the louse you were dating and concentrate on the terrific guy you're now dating! Your former boyfriend is a jerk since he was likely dating you for one main reason — sex. When he got tired of your "charms," he moved on. Consider it good riddance!
The situation with your former boyfriend is a prime example of sex destroying a relationship. The good news is that you are now in a good relationship without any pressure of sex. Give this new relationship time to flourish, and in time, you will see the wisdom in moving on permanently from your former "boyfriend."
TRY DOUBLE DATING
DR. WALLACE: My girlfriend happens to be a super person, and we have a great time when we are together. We have been dating for over a year. We are not into drugs, alcohol, tobacco or sex. We are responsible teens and have mutual respect for each other. Since we don't have many friends, we are alone with each other most of the time. We sort of like it this way.
My girlfriend's mother doesn't like this arrangement. She doesn't mind that we are dating but thinks her daughter is being denied the friendship of other teens, both male and female. She has also made statements to both of us inferring that being alone together all the time can lead to sexual behavior. Yesterday, her mom told us that our relationship was unhealthy and that she thinks we should double date.
My girlfriend loves her mom and would do nothing to hurt her, but she also loves me. I am getting worried that her mom will continue being a problem. What do you think we should do? — Happy but concerned, Chicago
HAPPY BUT CONCERNED: It's important that teens be allowed to spend some time alone together with their dates. What you and your girlfriend do or don't do when together is what's important — not what others think she might be doing. But there is no reason why a couple can't enjoy the company and friendship of others. It wouldn't be difficult to try a double date with another couple with similar standards and interests. It could be an enjoyable experience, and it will make her mom feel a bit better about the relationship. This would be good for you and your girlfriend.
The key here is to balance your time together with behavior that maintains family harmony. Your goal is to keep seeing a girlfriend you truly care for — and part of being successful in this is to honor reasonable requests from her parents. Her mother's request is reasonable in my eyes. So, make her mom happy here and you'll be happy you did.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.