DR. WALLACE: My best friend and I are both 15. About two months ago, she told everyone at our school she was pregnant and the most popular guy in school was the father. This guy denied it and said she had a serious psychological problem. When she announced she was pregnant, my mothers made me stop hanging around with her. This bothered me because she was my best friend and I wanted to help her.
Last week, my friend told me she had a miscarriage. Today she said she was never pregnant at all and just wanted a little attention. I told all of this to my mother and asked if I could renew my relationship with my friend. My mom said no. My friend now admits she made a mistake. After all, she is only human. We all make mistakes. I think my mother is wrong in denying me this friendship. Please give me your opinion. — Angry, Carson City, Nev.
ANGRY: Your friend made a very serious accusation that caused a fellow student a lot of grief. She may very well have psychological problems. To make an attention grab is one thing, but to do so by trying to destroy another person's reputation is quite another. I can understand your mother's decision and I agree with it.
Let's hope your friend is able to come to terms with her behavior and show genuine remorse for hurting another person. Perhaps in time if your mother sees evidence that your friend has learned her lesson and changed for the better, she might allow the friendship to resume. Give this time to take place, but be prepared, as this may take several months.
I CAN'T HELP MYSELF
DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have a huge problem. I have a habit of stealing from stores. I take things I really don't need and usually have the money to pay for them when I steal. I'm always afraid I'll get caught because my parents would just die if they got a call from a retail store, or worse, the police.
I keep telling myself I'm never going to steal again, but when I go to the mall, I just can't help myself. What can I do? Of course, I can't tell my parents. My dad is very influential in the community and he wouldn't know how to handle this situation. I really want to quit doing this, but it's like I'm addicted to taking things without paying for them. — Nameless, Hialeah, Fl.
NAMELESS: Your shoplifting is indeed a major problem, I'm glad you're seeking to confront it immediately. In many cases shoplifters have psychological problems that can be eliminated via professional counseling. Go to your parents NOW and tell them about your problem and ask for their forgiveness and their help. They love you and want only the best for you. While they will be shocked when you tell them that you shoplift, they will also be pleased that you came to them honestly and voluntarily — BEFORE you got caught.
The first step in overcoming a personal problem is to admit you have one. The next step is to ask for help. You have accomplished these first two steps. Now go to step three — actually getting the help you need. Your parents will make sure that you receive that help, and that you make restitution with the businesses you harmed. This is an important step towards your healing.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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