DR. WALLACE: My 19-year-old brother is a really smart guy and is a freshman attending the University of Washington. He has high hopes of becoming a medical doctor.

The girl he's dating is a dunce. She barely got by in her high school classes with C's and D's. She now works as a hairdresser in a beauty salon. My parents and I fear that my brother is in a serious relationship with her and we all would be really upset if he begins talking about marriage.

We can just picture the scene with my brother being a medical doctor while his wife is curling people's hair. The only good things about this girl are that she is rather attractive and seems to be religious so she might have good morals.

My parents have tried to talk some sense into my brother, but he says he doesn't need their advice. Help. — Nameless, Centralia, Wash.

NAMELESS: As you say, your brother is a bright young man. Respect his intelligence and butt out of his personal life, please! He doesn't need my help or yours. His girlfriend may or may not be the right woman for him, but his family's fears and prejudices about her do nothing but muddy the situation.

MORE MARRIAGES SUCCEED THAN FAIL

DR. WALLACE: I'm 20 and the guy I share an apartment with is 22. We love each other, but decided to live together rather than get married because so many of our friends and relatives are divorced. My own mother has been divorced twice. In fact, she encouraged me not to get married before I had a chance to live with Tyler for a year or so.

Why do so many couples get divorced in today's society? Do you think there would be fewer divorces if the couples lived together first? I'd like your opinion. Living together before marriage seems like the perfect arrangement. — Amanda, Lima, Ohio.

AMANDA: More marriages succeed than fail. According to the American Council of Life Insurance, 62 percent of married couples remain together. The council also reported that living together first did not reduce the divorce rate. Only 48 percent of these couples remained together.

You're kidding yourself if you think that living together without marriage is somehow an ideal arrangement. In fact, it's far less stable than marriage. The problems are just as real, but the commitment to work them out is weaker.

You have not had great role models for marriage, so I can understand your wariness about making that commitment, but I do highly recommend it. I urge you and your boyfriend to look beyond your mother's experience and perhaps seek spiritual counseling. If you want to build a life with your boyfriend, the next step to take is marriage.

NAME-CALLING AND PHYSICAL ABUSE MUST STOP

DR. WALLACE: I made a huge mistake by leaving my diary on my dresser when I went to school last week. In it I wrote about my first experience with my boyfriend. When I came home from school, both parents were waiting for me. My mother pulled my hair and my dad called me filthy names. Now I'm grounded for a long time and not allowed to see my boyfriend any more.

I can accept these decisions, but now both my mother and father are calling me names so filthy I can't tell you what they are. I admit I made a huge mistake when I lost my virginity, but being all but abandoned by my parents is very difficult for me to accept. Please help me. — Nameless, Philadelphia, Pa.

NAMELESS: Your parents were hurt and disappointed to learn of your sexual encounter. This is understandable, but name-calling and physical abuse is not. If the unacceptable behavior continues, I recommend that you make an appointment with your school counselor. Ask him or her to arrange a conference with your parents to get help in handling the situation.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Rob Bixby