Should I Make Contact or Not?

By Dr. Robert Wallace

March 4, 2025 6 min read

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl who has been allowed to date for the past five months.

So far, I've had a lot of mediocre dates. Almost every single guy is way more interested in me than I have been in him. I've gone out on a second date with the same guy a few times, but most of the time I turn that opportunity down. It's often tricky and a bit difficult to do this, but with practice, I've gotten better at letting guys down easy.

However, last week I went on a first date with a new guy and had a great time! He was nice, friendly and seemed to connect with me on many levels. He told me he'd be in touch with me shortly to set up a second date once our first date ended, and right then and there, I told him that I'd look forward to it.

But now, eight days have passed and I haven't heard anything from him, not even a text! I have two close girlfriends and they are split regarding what action I should take next. One thinks I should not make any connection with him at all and simply wait to see if he ever contacts me. She says that if he doesn't, he's not really interested and it's his loss.

But my second girlfriend feels strongly that I should send him a text to keep in touch, without pushing for any specifics on a second date. I need someone from a neutral position to break the tie, so if you don't mind, you're it! What do you think I should do next? — I Would Enjoy a Second Date, via email

I WOULD ENJOY A SECOND DATE: There's absolutely no reason why you can't reach out to this guy just to get a feel for what's going on with him.

And rather than asking him if he plans to invite you out on a date again soon, ask a simple question or a followup to some of the things you discussed the first time you met. Think of it as a way to create a brief dialogue, either by telephone or by text, without putting any pressure on him.

If you were in the same position, you would appreciate a nonpressured inquiry from someone you may or may not wish to date again. It could just be that he's been quite busy, and if so, he'll likely communicate that to you. On the other hand, if he's not planning on asking you out again, that may also be evident in the way he does or does not reply. My advice is to move forward and find out since you're curious and interested.

MY STRESS IS LIMITED TO ACADEMIC TESTS

DR. WALLACE: As a high school senior, you would think that by now I would've figured out a way to reduce my stress when taking important tests that affect my college admission. I study hard, I plan ahead and I do all of the necessary reading in preparation for each major exam I must take. Yet, I'm always full of anxiety the moment I head into the classroom, knowing a big test is about to commence.

I'm also a decent athlete and have successfully played two varsity sports for the past two seasons. I find it strange that when I face a crucial moment in either of my two sports, I can always respond with calm confidence, no matter what the situation is. Sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I fail, but I'm never stressed out when going into the play or sequence in front of me. Why is it that I have such anxiety with my academic challenges, but not with my athletic ones? — I Stress Over Tests, via email

I STRESS OVER TESTS: Many students, even those who do not participate in athletics, face academic stress regarding tests and important presentations. I would say that you are not unusual in that regard.

What is unusual is that you don't seem to feel any stress during your athletic performances, even during crucial moments. You likely have the gift of self-confidence, knowing you are doing your best and that you are comfortable playing at a high level.

The difference between the two is that in a game, you react both physically and mentally in the moment, whereas in school, you must perform entirely mentally. There's a lot of memorization and preparation for tests, and many students fear that their preparation was not thorough enough or remembered well enough to result in a good outcome. In sports, you similarly practice and visualize success.

My suggestion would be to concentrate on how you feel during your sports performances. After you've studied hard for a test, try to put yourself into that same state of mind. Then, as you begin an academic exam, good preparation should allow you to feel more relaxed, confident and even provide you with a visualization of achieving a good outcome. This approach may be helpful for you, especially as it applies currently for you athletically.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Alex Ware at Unsplash

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