DR. WALLACE: I'm a teenage guy who comes from a large family with many male role models in it. I have five uncles on my father's side of the family and three more on my mother's side.

My father has a strong personality as does his father, my grandfather. This is great for many things in my life, such as talking sports, working on my car and being able to easily borrow any tool I've ever needed!

But one trait passed on to me that I'd like to correct or at least tone down, and that's my quick temper. My father, grandpa and every uncle will fly off the hook at any small issue and rage in anger! I've seen more than a few legendary rants in my time.

I also am quick to get angry and even use a nasty word or two whenever I find myself frustrated. What really worries me is that some of these things later turn out to be no big deal, even though I thought they would be in the moment. A few of my good friends have recently pulled me aside and warned me to cool down a bit. My girlfriend has also threatened to leave me because I snap at her once in a while, too. Thankfully, my issue is entirely verbal as I don't ever pick fights and I've never laid a finger on my great girlfriend. I need to get myself under control, and I hope to start this process as quickly as possible. Can you give me a few suggestions on where to start? — Need To Chill Out, via email

NEED TO CHILL OUT: It's a great first step that you recognize and acknowledge that you need to make the changes you've outlined in your letter.

One of the first things you can do that may help you is to plan not to blurt out words immediately after you hear something that you don't like or something that can trigger your currently hot temper. Train yourself to take a deep breath and exhale it very slowly whenever a possible trigger moment arrives.

Literally practice this with a friend! A good starting point would be the one or two who pulled you aside to speak with you about this topic. When practicing, use the time during your inhale and your very slow and deliberate exhale to remind yourself to do three things: stay in control, use an appropriate tone of voice and ask a question about what you just heard. Asking a question will provide you two immediate benefits in real time. First, you'll garner a few moments to think and plan a calmer reply, and second, you may obtain some nuances or further details that can clarify what you thought you heard.

This should help you to not overreact to those smaller things that turned out not to be big deals. Work diligently on making just these few changes and I trust that you will be proud of your progress in short order. Then, do your utmost to continue to refine and adjust your responses in ways you feel prevent unwarranted angry outbursts.

If you do, however, occasionally slip up and overreact a bit, plan to immediately catch yourself and apologize right then and there and calm yourself down. Even just saying "I didn't mean to react that way" will give the person you're speaking with comfort that you're trying your best to move in a positive direction. Your girlfriend especially is likely to appreciate seeing you working hard to improve and acknowledging any mistakes quickly. Most other people will also appreciate a quick apology if you slip up here and there.

If you really want to make these changes permanently, stick with this process and do all you can to plan your responses and behavior in advance. You'll learn from your mistakes and make important course corrections as you go along.

Finally, if a delicate situation comes up that is anywhere near a 50/50 situation, plan to back down or take the blame in advance. You can always calmly discuss and negotiate a close situation either way later, but in the moment, just plan to take the initial blame in the name of peace and your newfound control of your emotions. If you find you really were right about a situation like this in the future, you can always gracefully and tactfully bring up that time as needed later.

Congratulations on deciding to work to improve your character. That's an excellent sign of both growing maturity and intelligence on your part.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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