DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 now and like to think of myself more as a young woman than as a girl these days. I'm allowed to date twice a week and can stay out until 10:00 p.m. on weeknights and 11:30 p.m. on weekends. However, my father told me in advance that I'm only ever going to be allowed a five-minute grace period. This means at 10:06 p.m. and 11:36 p.m. respectively, I'll be considered late, and the punishment is no dates for a month the first time and three months the second!

This past Thursday night, a guy I'm dating picked me up and took me to an early movie and then over to someone's house to visit some of our friends.

Anyhow, as the guys went into the den to watch sports on TV, we two girls hung out and talked. At about 9:30 p.m., I walked down the hall to find my boyfriend, and I saw every single guy in the den with a beer can in his hand! Not one of them was 21, either.

I immediately texted my parents telling them that I needed a ride home. I got no reply, so eight minutes later, I texted both parents again. Shortly after that, I called my mother's cell phone. She didn't answer, so I left her a voicemail telling her what was going on. That was at 9:48 pm.

At 10:12 p.m., my mother called me back. I told her what was going on, and she drove right over and picked me up. My father was waiting for me when we came through the front door, with a scowl on his face and his arms folded across his chest.

The bottom line is that he's now cut off my dating "privileges" for a month even though I texted twice and called my parents well before 10:00 p.m. I told them exactly why I didn't take a ride home from my date — or any other of those guys who had been drinking. Two of them did offer me a ride under the logic of, "I can drive, this is only my first beer!" Do you feel my punishment is unfair, as I do? — I Called in Time, via email

I CALLED IN TIME: I do agree that being allowed to date as a 17-year-old until 10:00 p.m. and 11:30 p.m. is a privilege. And I do agree that you attempted to make contact with your parents before 10:00 p.m. — in fact, as soon as you realized you had a problem with your return transportation.

However, my primary focus here is that you acted prudently and wisely by not jumping into a car with a driver who had been drinking. Yes, you ended up getting home beyond 10:05 p.m., but for good reason. Having just witnessed underage drinking, you were smart to contact your parents immediately.

Your father can use the logic that your date is to blame and therefore you must pay the price for going out with someone with such poor judgment. I find a month of no dating when you couldn't have known in advance what your date would do is excessive. I would have given you a pass myself, based upon your excellent decision-making. If your father feels he must still punish you, I feel a week or two of no dates is more than long enough to make his point.

I'M NOT SURE I'M READY FOR THIS

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl, and I've only been on dates with three guys so far. This third guy is nice, and we've had fun, but even though we've only been on four dates over two and a half weeks, he just texted me and told me that he has strong feelings for me and that he wants us to date each other exclusively.

I do like him, but I feel if I agree to this so early on, he might want to push me further in other areas. At this point, I just want to date casually, get some familiarity with the dating process and make some friends.

I'm not sure that I'm ready to be exclusive. Am I being selfish here? Is his request really no big deal? — Learning as I Go, via email

LEARNING AS I GO: You are not being selfish at all. Four dates as a 16-year-old just getting started dating is not enough to feel obligated to cave to his request, especially when you are simply looking to get more familiar with the overall dating process.

Consider his request part of your learning curve! His request is a moderately big deal, and it seems that the two of you are not in the same place. Perhaps you can view him as a friend for now and go out on another date with someone new soon.

His reaction to that will also give you more experience. He may get angry with you, or he might understand where you're coming from and approach you again sometime without trying to push you beyond where your comfort level is any given point in time.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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