DR. WALLACE: My older brother got married five years ago, and he recently told me that he and his wife have decided to make their marriage an open relationship and no longer remain monogamous.

This goes against every value that I hold, and it makes me sick to my stomach that he would choose to ruin both his life and his marriage this way! To make matters worse, he has two young kids, and I am extremely worried about how this will affect them. I know that since I'm 19 and he's 24 that I should respect that he has more life experience than I do, but in this matter, I still feel the need to try to convince him not to go down this path.

What can I do to get my brother to re-examine his choices and act in the best interest of his children? — Upset younger sister, via email

UPSET YOUNGER SISTER: Your brother's idea to adjust the status of the union with his wife is not the mainstream conventional idea of what most people consider marriage to be, but it is indeed decidedly his and his wife's decision.

Instead of focusing on trying to convince him not to move ahead with his marriage in this manner, perhaps you can focus on asking him how he will proceed in such a manner that it will not adversely affect his children.

Hopefully, if he and your sister-in-law do proceed with their idea, they will set rules and parameters that best insulate their children from any adverse feelings or worries.

Taking this approach will likely have him think through the situation a bit more in depth than he likely has. There is a possibility that after thinking things through in terms of how to keep his children unaffected, he might decide not to follow through on the idea after all.

And then if he and his wife do follow through, at least they will likely do so in a careful and respectful way when it comes to their children and their upbringing.

HE APOLOGIZED RIGHT AWAY

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and I called my boyfriend a bad name during a recent argument we had. It got kind of heated, and we got right up in each other's faces as we were yelling.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I felt his open hand slap the side of my face. He didn't hit me flush; it was more of an awkward, glancing blow. I staggered back and was silently stunned for about 10 seconds. He immediately then hugged me and begged for forgiveness. He said he lost his head for a brief moment and that he never meant to touch me at all during the argument. Since that day, he's done his best to treat me well, probably because he thinks I might dump him now.

He's a decent guy overall, but although he never slapped or hit me before this, I have seen him argue with his close friends a lot, sometimes over money. It's kind of like he floats back and forth being two different people at times. The good thing is that he's calm 98% of the time, but that other 2% is now starting to worry me a bit. What can I do about this? — Stunned I got slapped, via email

STUNNED I GOT SLAPPED: Over the years, I've continued to be stunned with this topic. I'm stunned at how many young ladies suffer physical abuse (especially those not married and with no children in common with their abuser) and then wonder what they might do about it.

Let me start by saying that most abusers don't stop with one punch, slap or shove into a wall. Some even choke their girlfriend during moments of rage. In your case, you've already noticed a pattern. You've stated that he is like two different people, and you've seen his anger spill over to his friends as well.

The fact you were in a severe yelling argument in the first place is a red flag, and then he confirmed it by hitting you physically.

You need to protect yourself and exit this relationship immediately for your own safety and peace of mind. At 19, you have a lifetime in front of you to find a more compatible and respectful romantic partner.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: anncapictures at Pixabay