DR. WALLACE: I like to volunteer my time, help others and do good things in general. I also study hard and have been a successful college student for the past year and a half.

Sometimes my efforts go unnoticed or pretty much undiscussed, but there are definitely a few times that I get a lot of praise and kudos for some of the volunteer work I do and some of the achievements I've experienced.

I've noticed that I feel tremendously empowered when I get these verbal "pats on the back," and I feel a little bit let down at times when I don't receive at least mild positive feedback. Is there something wrong with me? I certainly don't do the volunteer work specifically to be praised, but I do like to be thanked for the things I do. — My Feelings Are at Times Confusing, via email

MY FEELINGS ARE AT TIMES CONFUSING: I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all, and I commend you for doing the excellent work you've done and continue to do in terms of community volunteering and helping other individuals and causes.

I think it's a natural human emotion to enjoy being recognized and appreciated by others close to us in our circle of friends and in the community we live in.

Take note of how you feel and whenever you see someone doing something good or virtuous in your own community, and make a point of briefly mentioning to them that you think it's awesome that they have allocated some of their time in this manner. You'll feel great about that, and being on the other side of delivering appreciation and recognition will also rub off on you since you know you're doing the same thing yourself.

I'VE KEPT HER SECRET, BUT A NEW OPPORTUNITY NOW EXISTS

DR. WALLACE: A close friend recently revealed a secret to me and made me promise not to tell anyone about this particular subject matter. I agreed and promised earnestly, and I've kept my promise so far. However, I happen to know there's a person who could directly help my friend if he was aware of the secret! He would be in a unique position to provide almost perfect assistance for my friend. I thought about telling her about this, but she's always hesitant to involve anyone else in her own personal business.

Because of all these factors, would it be appropriate for me to mention something to this guy strictly for the purpose of helping my friend? — This May Help Her Greatly, via email

THIS MAY HELP HER GREATLY: No, I would not contact this guy and divulge anything you promised not to divulge, no matter the reason for your considering taking such an unwise step.

If you absolutely feel that there's something there that would truly help your friend in a grand way, the only avenue I would advise you to even consider would be to talk to her privately and mention what you've found out and why. You could even lead in by saying, "You may not be interested in this, but ..." and then tell her the specifics of why you're even bringing this up.

One of key tenants and hallmarks of a very close friendship is 100% absolute trust. Promising not to divulge a secret and then doing so intentionally for any reason short of life and death does not sound like a good idea. If anyone is to be told something, your friend should be the only person making that decision.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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