He's Bland but His Talk of Marriage Was Not

By Dr. Robert Wallace

February 25, 2025 6 min read

DR. WALLACE: I'm now 19 years old, but back when I was in high school, I never dated at all. I'm a good, friendly person, but I've always had what I consider to be more of a bland look, physically, than a dynamic one.

Now that I'm out of high school and working at an office job, I'm regularly interacting with more people. It's a pretty big company as the office I work in has over 200 employees.

One guy in my department was always talking to me, and he finally got around to asking me out about four months ago.

We've dated and enjoyed each other's company, but for some reason, it feels to me like he's pressing to move our relationship forward too quickly.

Since I am new to dating, I'm already self-conscious about starting so late, and I know deep down that I'm inexperienced. He hasn't pressured me physically; it's been more about time commitments and wishing to interact on an array of levels involving both of our lives.

To my utter shock, he actually brought up the prospect of marriage to me last week. He didn't propose but rather asked if I would be open to marriage at some point in the near future. Other than his quirkiness regarding our relationship, I don't feel awkward about him. He seems to be pretty normal and bland in many other areas of his life.

Since you probably know a lot more about late teenage dating than I do, are there any red flags here? — Trying To Sort Out My First Relationship, via email TRYING TO SORT OUT MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP: It does sound to me as though he is rushing your relationship for some reason. He could be fearful that he'll lose you and therefore feeling the need to rush things along to cement your relationship on a long-term basis.

Alternatively, there may be something about him that he doesn't want you to know. It could be something that would eventually bubble to the surface, but he may feel that he can explain it easier once you've rushed into a major commitment. Keep your eyes and ears open. Seek to learn more about him, his background and his family relationships. It may turn out there's nothing wrong at all, but knowledge is power. You should gradually continue to learn as much as you can about him as long as you are dating.

Overall, I think you were wise to question why he seems to be pushing things forward at a speed that feels unnatural to you. Feel free to discuss this matter with him casually at a comfortable time and monitor his reaction closely. This sounds like a potential red flag, but it may turn out to simply be overzealousness on his part. Keep a close eye on the situation and monitor for changes and potential indicators. Under no circumstances should you feel obligated to move forward if you still feel uncomfortable.

MY SISTER ONLY WANTS TO ADOPT TWINS!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl in her senior year of high school and I'm looking forward to going to college this upcoming fall.

Recently, I have been drawn into a large family debate involving my 26-year-old sister, my mother and my three maternal aunts. My older sister has had difficulty conceiving for the the past three years, and because she wants to start a family relatively soon, she and her husband are considering adoption. They've already tried various fertilization treatments without success and no longer have the budget for it.

Here's why this is a major debate: My sister only wants to adopt twins to begin with! She claims that she knows it will be difficult to handle two kids at once, but it will get her family off to a roaring start and she can decide later if she wishes to adopt another child.

My mom and all three of my aunts are telling my sister not to be ridiculous and that she should just consider adopting a single child to begin, as that process will likely be much quicker than waiting for twins.

We have an upcoming girl's night out at which the six of us are going to discuss this topic extensively. My older sister already knows that she's going to be facing a lot of opposition, so she's lobbying me to take her side of the argument.

The problem is, I'm typically more of a neutral person. I can see the pros and cons, but I'm definitely not completely in my older sister's camp. Should I help my sister by spending the whole night arguing her side of things even though I'm not necessarily convinced? — My Sister Wants Backup, via email

MY SISTER WANTS BACKUP: My suggestion is that you remain true to yourself. It's not wise to take sides in any debate or discussion that could become heated or delicate when it comes to these types of interactions. Family discussions are difficult enough even when you have a firm position you believe in.

Tell your sister in advance that you love her and will support her no matter what decision she makes, but that at this point, you want to hear all viewpoints before you weigh in.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Mindy Sabiston at Unsplash

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