DR. WALLACE: You once wrote that it's OK to tell a "little white lie" once in a while, but I forgot the example you gave. Last week I was reading a teen magazine and a teen psychologist said that "white lies" are dishonest and should never be used under any circumstances. Who's right? — Kelly, Chicago, Ill.

KELLY: Life is just too complex for there to be very many absolute rules about behavior. The psychologist obviously believes that honesty is the best policy, and I agree, except on those rare occasions when the truth would bring needless anguish and pain to another person. At that point, a higher value than honesty-for-its-own-sake may become operational.

I'll give you an example and leave it up to you to decide what you'd do in that situation. Let's say a dear friend has fallen gravely ill. The attending physician has told you your friend has only a short time left to live, but has withheld the information from the patient until she's in a calm enough state to handle it. You agree that the news, at this moment, would be devastating, and should be given to her by her minister or spiritual counselor. But she asks you what the doctor has said. What do you tell her?

I do know that I wouldn't tell my friend something she couldn't, at that moment, handle. Instead, I'd tell her something that would give her hope and maybe calm her down. My response might be considered a "little white lie." Absolutists may say that "a white lie is a lie and is wrong under all circumstances, but they will never convince me this is so.

THE MARRIAGE WILL SUCCEED

DR. WALLACE: I'm Jewish and my boyfriend is Catholic. We plan to get married even though our families are against it. Both of us are committed to our faith. I will continue in my faith and he will stay with his. We won't have a "How will the children be raised?" problem because, physically, I can't have children.

We both love each other very much and believe our marriage can work. I'm 19 and he is 21 and we attend the University of Southern California. We plan to get married after he graduates next year. I will stay in school until I graduate in the spring of 2020. We went to a counselor, who said we should seek other advice before we finalize our plans, which is why I'm writing to you. What are your thoughts on this? - Lynne, Santa Monica, Calif.

LYNNE: People marry across boundaries all the time — boundaries of faith, race, political affiliation and ethnic identity. Some of these marriages do fail. But some marriages also fail when the couple has everything in common. The key to all successful marriages is unconditional love. It overcomes all obstacles. If your fiance is most important in your life and you in his, then by all means become husband and wife. The marriage will succeed.

IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and dating a guy who is 23. My problem is that he rarely has time to see me and we only go out about once a month. When I ask him what he's doing when he isn't with me, he tells me it's none of my business. I'm really confused. What should I do? — Nameless, Rock Island, Ill.

NAMELESS: End your relationship with this guy immediately. That way he can spend all of his time developing his mystery.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.