DR. WALLACE: I'm a junior in high school, and my parents are wonderful people who always do their best to see that I'm a healthy, happy, well-educated young woman.

My mother recently called my school to volunteer to be a chaperone with my dad at our Winter Carnival Dance. I was going with my date and they wanted to share the evening with us. Surprisingly, the principal thanked them but said that faculty members would chaperone the dance.

My parents were surprised that the school would not welcome parent chaperones. Since you are a former high school principal, can you explain? — Nameless, Oakville, Mass.

NAMELESS: When I was a principal at a Garden Grove, (California) high school, parents were not allowed to be chaperones at high school functions. All chaperones were required to be credentialed teachers, counselors or administrators because only they would have the legal authority to deal with problems that might arise.

However, parents were welcome to visit all student gatherings on campus. The maximum length of the visit was 15 minutes and the parents had to sign up for a pass a day before the function they wanted to attend. This was a popular program and served both students and parents very well.

Formal dances were very popular with parents. It brought back good memories for them. And, in case you were wondering, the parents were encouraged to dance, and many did. Another rule for formal dances was that the guests had to be properly dressed — suits and ties for the fathers and at least a semi-formal gown for the mothers. It seemed like a lot of trouble for 15 minutes, but many made the effort and felt it was well worth the effort.

OPEN COMMUNICATION BETWEEN PARENTS AND TEENS IS A MUST

DR. WALLACE: My parents have the philosophy that teens should be seen but not heard. They think the only way we can learn is to keep our mouths closed and our ears open. I think I should be permitted to share my views and feelings during family discussions.

I know you will agree with me, so I want to share your answer with my parents. — Nameless, Tacoma, Wash.

NAMELESS: Teens need to listen, but they also need the chance to express themselves and contribute their point of view to family discussions. They need to feel valued for who they are, not just for what they're capable of absorbing. Teens should be recognized and praised by their parents on a regular basis. When a teen feels loved and secure at home, he or she will fare far better in the outside world.

The "Teens should be seen and not heard" philosophy is, as far as I'm concerned, poor parenting. It prevents a young person from developing and nurturing a positive self-image. Open communication between parents and teens is crucial in building trust and promoting the closeness that all families seek.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Emilio Labrador