DR. WALLACE: As a girl who is a busy high school student, it seems I have a lot going on in my life at all times. I like to plan ahead, and so when I have different events planned, I'll mention them to my parents well in advance. My mother generally goes along with everything I like to do, especially because I always let her know where I'm going, who I'll be with and what I'm up to.

But my father will often tell me that he'll think about my request, he'll get back to me or that he'll make that decision "later." More often than not, my father will eventually allow me to go forward with what I had planned, but occasionally he really messes up my plans. This past weekend was especially egregious because friends and I had planned a very special shopping trip since we will all be bridesmaids in my friend's older sister's upcoming wedding. What made it especially worse was the fact that my father forced me to go on a family outing to visit an aunt (his sister) who only lives about 20 miles away and who I see regularly every month or two anyhow.

What can I do about this? It's beyond frustrating when my father pulls the rug out from underneath my plans at the last minute. — He Just Doesn't Understand, via email

HE JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND: I suggest that going forward you divide your outings into two distinct categories. First, your casual requests for routine outings and things that you enjoy doing but that are not as essential as the bridesmaid example mentioned in your letter. The second category is of course the really, truly important events that you absolutely do not want to miss.

Sit down with both parents simultaneously and explain this to both of them very diplomatically in a positive tone of voice. Mention that you'll be happy to see all your relatives on a regular basis and that you will absolutely work with your parents to be available for things they would like you to attend. But explain to them that there are a handful of events that are really important to you that you do mention well in advance and request permission for. Perhaps this delineation can get the point through to your parents in a symbiotic way that will promote two-way harmony going forward.

MY SUDDEN ALLOCATION OF PLAYING TIME IS NOT WELL RECEIVED

DR. WALLACE: I'm a basketball player on our girls varsity basketball team at my high school. I'm a junior, and for most of the season I haven't played very much at all.

But two weeks ago in practice, our coach had me defend our team's top scorer very closely because the team we were playing in the upcoming game against had a girl who's known as the top defender in our league. I think our coach used me because I'm on the tall side. The coach told me to put maximum effort into defending my teammate during these scrimmages during our practice. I did my best and was pretty successful at defending her well.

During that next game, one of our starters got into foul trouble early in the game, and a substitute was needed, and the coach actually put me in the game! I was told to focus almost exclusively on my defense and rebounding since I'm not a very good or experienced offensive player.

It turned out that I did well on defense and rebounding, and the next few games I started getting more playing time substituting in for two different girls at different points of our next games. The problem I now have is, these two girls are mad at me! They're both seniors, have been starters for the past two years and don't ever like coming out of the game, so they make scowling faces when they see me coming in to take their place.

Even during practices now, they won't speak to me much and will make snide comments about me to each other within my earshot. I feel beyond awkward, but I'm appreciative of the playing time. What can I do about this? — Defensive Substitute Getting Playing Time, via email

DEFENSIVE SUBSTITUTE GETTING PLAYING TIME: Congratulations on finding your niche and doing a good job on the court. No coach would insert a player into a situation that you described without that player earning the right to be on the court regularly, even as a substitute for several minutes at a time. The other players have no right to act as though you don't deserve to be allocated playing time. This is the coach's decision, not yours. My advice is to remain neutral, speak to each of them directly during practices and games in a matter-of-fact, positive manner, and stay focused on the game. Also give them any advice you can offer, especially as it applies to specific game situations on defense.

Situations like this usually work themselves out gradually, so keep your chin up, play hard and do your best to be an excellent teammate on and off the court.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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