DR. WALLACE: I'm only six weeks from turning 17 and have already had quite an eventful life. When I was 14, my family lived in a different state, and both of my parents worked long hours outside of our home. I started hanging out with what would be considered a bad crowd, and let's just say that I caved into peer pressure and made some pretty ugly mistakes back then.

Of course my parents were outraged and they came down on me hard. It's been over two years since the worst of my behavior occurred, and last year we moved 1,500 miles across America to a new state because my father got a really good job here. I like my new high school, and I've been behaving very well. My mom now only works part time, and she does almost all of her work from home these days, so she's around and I can talk to her about anything.

But my parents are still punishing me for my really bad decisions back then. I can't go out on dates; I'm not allowed to go out at night with friends, even to school functions like a basketball or football home game.

I can occasionally see friends after school, but I'm not allowed to go to their houses. I can only invite friends to visit my house.

I feel like I've paid for my mistakes and am now a much more responsible teenager. I'd like to have a bit of a social life here in our new area. I'm a junior in high school right now, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle being grounded permanently for the next year and a half here! Is there anything I can do? Do you have any suggestions that might help, or has my past behavior doomed me to be in lockdown from now until I graduate high school? — My Present Is Not My Past, via email

MY PRESENT IS NOT MY PAST: I do agree with you in general. I don't know the nature of your transgressions, since your email did not mention them, but in any case I feel you are now in a situation that calls for gradual, incremental steps toward earning your parents' trust bit by bit.

Don't ask for big things at first. Start by seeing if your parents will allow you small freedoms, and tell them that you absolutely will not break their trust. Explain how your new start in your state has made you look forward and want to be a responsible person who can be trusted again. Apologize again for your past, but this time let them know you are older, wiser and wish to demonstrate that you can earn trust very, very gradually in small steps.

Perhaps start by asking to be allowed to visit one of your friend's homes after school. But to guarantee your trust to your parents, see if you can arrange for your friend's parents, or at least one of them, to visit your home so your parents can get to know them. Tell your parents at the first stage you will only visit your friend's home when at least one parent is there.

Start small and be on your 100% best behavior. You have a lot of work in front of you to begin to regain small increments of trust. But you should start somewhere, and I do agree that asking your parents for this opportunity is the right thing to do, both from your and their perspective.

If you can successfully complete one small step, then ask your mother one afternoon at home what she feels might be the best next step to try that will likely receive your father's approval or at least his willingness to carefully watch you try to stay on track. Do these things and over time you may be surprised at how gradual improvements can add up. But never forget along the way that one serious mistake again now on your end will unravel all of the goodwill and trust that you've rebuilt, so be very vigilant about your behavior, your schedule (always be on time coming home) and decision-making.

I WITNESSED HIS DRUG TRANSACTION

DR. WALLACE: I'm a college girl who's dating a guy and I just saw him buy drugs from a known dealer in our town. I asked around to find out what this dealer sells, and I was told it was heroin!

My boyfriend did not see me when I observed this transaction. I saw money exchanged and my guy take a small baggie of something back in return. We had planned to meet at a public park on a Saturday afternoon, and I was slightly over a half-hour early, since my previous meeting with my girlfriend was canceled. This caused me to be early to the park, and that's when I saw what transpired. I was so shocked that I left the park and texted him that I'd have to cancel and would call him later. I didn't want to be with him when he had illegal drugs on his person.

I'm thinking of leaving him now because this now explained to me some of his very erratic behavior the past several months. Should I just give him any excuse, or should I tell him why I want out of the relationship? — Unhappy to Have Seen That, via email

UNHAPPY TO HAVE SEEN THAT: I don't know his personality and what danger he might present to you if you confront him. However, if you trust his actions regarding you, then you could explain to him what you witnessed and tell him that you'll support him if he seeks treatment for this issue.

Note that I suggest you say that you'll support him without promising to stay with him in the relationship. Only with time and your ability to evaluate his situation can you make a rational decision on whether or not to stay with him as a couple. But for now, it would be best to step back for a while to see how he reacts and if he seeks help for his possible addiction.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: fietzfotos at Pixabay