DR. WALLACE: A situation has come to my attention that has caused me to experience a moral dilemma. I know of someone on my high school basketball team who I believe is cheating in order to stay eligible to play on our team. We have certain academic minimums at our high school in order to remain on the current team roster.

We have a pretty good team, and this person is one of our key players. I don't want to jeopardize our season, but I feel that if I look the other way, I may be letting this individual get away with it, which would be unfair to those on and off the team doing their schoolwork without cheating. I personally don't lie, don't cheat and do my best to live up to my own personal moral standards. But this situation involves another person, not me.

Is there some sort of compromise I could come up with that would help me to resolve the situation? — Concerned teammate, via email

CONCERNED TEAMMATE: I commend you for seeking advice rather than immediately looking the other way. Since I don't know you, your teammate or this specific situation, I only have the contents of your letter to base my reply upon.

First of all, you indicated that you believe this person is cheating. What you know, how you came across this information and whether you know that cheating has definitely occurred are key factors here. If you know to a certainty, or believe to a very, very high degree of certainty that something nefarious is going on regarding his academics, then you indeed have not only a moral dilemma but the moral obligation to bring this information to your coach's attention, or the attention of a school official.

If you are basing your suspicions purely on hearsay, third-party information that might be unreliable or presented to affect a certain agenda, then you should proceed very cautiously. Use the "carpenter's rule" in this situation, which means to measure this matter twice before you cut once. Think it over carefully because once you voice an accusation, you can't take it back.

The fact you have a good team and that this individual is an excellent player has no bearing at all on this situation.

After you think this through carefully, if you still know or believe the accusations to quite likely be true but you would like an interim step before you approach your coach directly, I then suggest speaking with one of your teachers who you respect. Simply sit down with this teacher one on one and explain what you know and how you came to acquire the information. Request his or her advice regarding the dilemma you currently are experiencing.

Maintaining your moral clarity throughout a situation like this is paramount. Be careful not to spread false accusations, but also take care to maintain your own moral standards and your self-respect as well.

I'M READY TO DATE

DR. WALLACE: I am a 16-year-old boy who will turn 17 in February. I have not yet been out on a formal date, but I have hung out with some girls and guys in a group of eight to 10 kids I know. We all hang out together on the weekend here and there.

I've had some opportunities to ask girls out on dates because some of my friends have told me that certain girls like me, but these are not the two or three girls I would really like to ask out on a date, so I've just done nothing.

What's the best way to get to know a girl well enough so that it will be comfortable to ask her out on a date? I really want to ask a few certain girls out but I don't know them at all. — Ready to date, via email

READY TO DATE: I suggest you utilize friendliness, proximity and a nice smile. By that I mean you should be friendly and say hello at school to the various girls that you really like. Just start mild conversations about class, school or any other suitable topic. Simply smile, talk for 30 seconds then tell them you'll see them in class. In order to feel comfortable, you need to establish proximity, which means to be close enough to someone for it to be comfortable enough at some point to ask to spend some time together.

And since you are just starting out, I do not suggest a dinner date or anything too formal to begin with. Simply try to set up something that's low-key, such as a study date to help each other prepare for a test or term paper in a class you may share. Just think of casual opportunities to spend some time around the girls or girls you potentially like. Eventually, you may reach a comfortable point with one of them to start spending some time directly with her.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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