DR. WALLACE: I am a high school junior, and my parents won't allow me to date yet! They feel I should be concentrating on my academics and extracurricular activities at this point. They say there will be plenty of time for me to date and form relationships in the future, and that next year as a senior, if I keep my grades up, they will absolutely allow me to date, as I will be 17 and half by that time early in my senior year.

I see all of my other friends in my grade and who are my exact age now already dating. This is so confusing and embarrassing for me!

I'm a pretty responsible teenager, so I'm not the type to throw a fit or start a family argument over this matter, but yet I'd really like to be allowed at least a small slice of time to develop my own social life.

Do you feel that my request is unreasonable, and that my parents are in the right here? — No Dates for Me, via email

NO DATES FOR ME: I obviously do not know the dynamics within your family unit, but as a general rule I feel a high school junior of either gender should be allowed to be granted at least a moderate amount of time for dating and a social life as long as that time and the underlying trust surrounding it is not abused.

In your case, according to your letter, you have not even been given the first opportunity to do this. Feel free to share my answer with your parents in case it might help you, but overall my suggestion would be to start very small in increments with your request and see if you can gradually be granted an opportunity to expand your social time.

Perhaps start with just a one-hour lunch on a Saturday afternoon. Your parents could even drop you off and pick you up so that your time would be under their control to begin with.

Then gradually over time, you can seek to expand that time out a bit to hopefully include the occasional evening outing, and as long as your grades and household responsibilities are met, I don't see any reason why a responsible teenager who is a junior in high school should not be allowed a reasonable amount of time to develop a social life.

YOU ARE SO WRONG ABOUT THIS

DR. WALLACE: I recall reading a previous answer of yours that mentioned that parents should not choose the friends their teens have, but parents should "veto" certain friends they don't want their kids to be hanging out with. I feel this is entirely crazy, since only true friends know what makes each other tick, and parents are often very much in the dark in terms of each individual's personality and the pressures they face in their daily lives.

Not everyone who drinks or does drugs is a bad person, so I feel it was out of bounds for you to say that parents can tell their teens who not to hang out with.

I guess I don't actually have a question, but I definitely wanted you to hear my opinion about this since you were so obviously wrong on that one. — Your Advice Was Wrong, via email

YOUR ADVICE WAS WRONG: In each situation I try to look at things not only through the eyes of a former principal at a high school with a student body of over 3,000, but also as a parent myself. My career and personal experiences gave me many opportunities to observe teenagers and their behavior patterns.

Yes, there are some instances and special cases, but overall, the advent of peer pressure is often the catalyst that breaks down barriers and allows some teens to engage in drug use, underage alcohol use, binge drinking and even other criminal activities they would not otherwise have ever dreamed of participating in.

I personally would not have allowed my teens to spend time hanging out with known drug users, and therefore I would never advise other parents to allow it either.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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