DR. WALLACE: I'm an only child, and it seems like my parents oversee every little thing I say and do. I have friends with other siblings who seem to have far fewer restrictions placed upon them. They are able to socialize more and come and go as they please. I think the reason is because their parents' attention is spread out over several children.

The other thing that worries me by having overprotective parents is that I don't get to do many things on my own, so my sense of independence is definitely muted compared with my peers at school.

I know my parents love me and think they're going the right thing, but I feel quite smothered sometimes. My parents are great people. It's just that my life would be so much better if I had a little more independence and if they trusted my judgment enough to give me more opportunities to do things and explore the world on my own.

How does a 16-year-old girl find independence in a situation like mine? I'll actually turn 17 in March, and I feel like I am quite socially immature compared with other girls my age. — Need Breathing Room, via email

NEED BREATHING ROOM: In my experience, it's natural for parents of an only child to overly focus on that child and to be slow to give the independence and freedom you are naturally seeking. You are growing into a young lady, and it's quite normal for you to want to explore the world now that you're almost 17.

I suggest a direct approach. You should request gradual increments of freedom as your parents see that you are capable of maintaining the trust they no doubt already have in you.

Start slowly by asking for some free time on the weekends with your best girlfriends, and go from there. The key on your end is to communicate with your parents regularly to keep their minds at ease. If you have a cellphone, promise to text them, for example, when you arrive and again when you are ready to leave to return home. Be sure to do everything you promise to do in this regard. Also, around your home, it might be wise to do a few little extra things such as making your bed promptly every day and keeping your room clean and tidy. Make sure you get homework done on time as well. Then you can casually mention that since your room is all set and your homework is under control, you would like to spend a little of your free time socializing with your friends for a reasonable period of time.

As with many aspects of life, I suggest that you start slowly and build gradually upon your incremental successes. Once you've developed an excellent track record of responsible use of your free time combined with great communication with your parents, I trust they will gradually feel more and more comfortable to give you the additional free time you obviously deserve.

GROUNDED FOR FIGHTING A BURGLAR

DR. WALLACE: I was recently having a picnic in a park with some of my friends on a Saturday afternoon, and we were playing volleyball about 20 yards away from the tables we left all of our food at.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw two older guys who looked to be college-age pick up our big cooler that was filled with ice and lots of Gatorade, soft drinks and juices and start to walk away fast, with one of them holding each handle. I ran over and confronted them immediately, and the smaller one said nothing. He just looked at the ground. But the bigger one said, "What are you going to do about it, punk?" So, right then and there, I punched him in the face and actually knocked him to the ground! His friend ran off and called 911, and the police ended up coming to the park and filling out an incident report.

The bottom line is that my friends were kind of impressed but also shocked that I hit somebody so quickly, but my parents were not amused. They've grounded me for six weeks because of this. My dad said I should have been the one to call 911 once we noticed the theft in progress. Don't you think I did the right thing to protect my friends and our property? — I Took Action, via email

I TOOK ACTION: Rarely does violence solve a problem; in fact, it can often compound things and create liability. I side with your father on this one.

Yes, these older boys were 100% in the wrong to try to steal your property, but by hitting one of them, you might have opened yourself up to liability for personal injury. Yes, I believe you should have immediately called the police to report the incident. Therefore, my advice to you is to serve your time being grounded and learn from this experience.

Your bravery was never in question. However, your judgment definitely was.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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