DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend recently broke up with me because he wanted his "freedom."

Then he started dating a new girl at our school. It really bothered me to see them together at one of our recent school dances. At the moment I first saw them together at the dance, I decided that I really now despise this guy and I wouldn't feel sorry for him if bad things happened to him going forward. He was mean and judgmental toward me during our breakup.

His pride and joy is his prized vintage Ford Mustang. He would be upset if the car got rained on, and he even rents a garage from my best friend's dad to park it in. I asked my best girlfriend to tell her dad to quit renting the garage to him so he would have to park his vehicle outside. That way, rain, wind and birds would pound his car, which would cause him to spend all his spare time keeping his car cleaned. That means he would have less time to spend with his new girlfriend.

My friend said she would not ask her dad to kick this car out of their garage because her dad likes getting the extra "rent" money. I think my friend has let me down in my time of need. Do you agree? — Unhappily Dumped, Trenton, New Jersey

UNHAPPILY DUMPED: "Spite" and "revenge" are words to describe basically the same thing — and both refer to emotionally unhealthy, futile behavior that usually boomerangs on the perpetrator. It is not wise to spend your time focusing on revenge, and in your case, you have damaged another of your friendships by trying to involve your best friend in a scheme to inflict petty punishment on your ex-boyfriend. I completely disagree with you on this matter, but I am concerned for your emotional health. Try your best to move on and refocus your attention on other areas of your life that bring you enjoyment or relaxation. You're likely still raw emotionally after a tough breakup, so please take care of yourself. A great first step would be to completely ignore your ex and what he does or does not do these days. The good news is that with each passing day, you'll be one day closer to fully healing from this relationship and one day closer to your next one.

STUTTERING FOUNDATION SUGGESTIONS

DR. WALLACE: I teach high school speech and English. One of my speech students has a severe stuttering problem. I would really like to help him overcome his handicap, and I want to be as good of a teacher to him as I can be in our classroom. I have gathered some useful information online, but I was told by my principal to contact you because he says he remembers reading about stuttering in your column.

Is it possible that you might enlighten me a bit further on this particular subject? — Teacher in Need, Santa Fe, New Mexico

TEACHER IN NEED: Most of my information on stuttering comes from the fine people at the Stuttering Foundation of America. This wonderful nonprofit organization has an abundance of reference materials to help friends, parents and teachers of those who stutter.

The following are recommendations they offer when working with someone who stutters:

Refrain from making remarks like "slow down," "take a breath" or "relax."

Such simplistic advice can be perceived as demeaning and is never helpful.

Maintain natural eye contact, and try not to look embarrassed or shocked. Just wait patiently until the person is finished. You will be tempted to finish sentences or fill in words. Do not do this; it is far better to remain calm and patient and let the other person communicate at his or her own pace.

Use a relatively slow, relaxed rate in your own conversational speech, but not so slow as to sound unnatural.

Let the person know by your manner and actions that you are listening to what he or she says, not how they say it. It's good to make return comments, in a normal flow of conversation, to indicate your understanding of the content of what was said to you.

Also be aware that those who stutter usually have more trouble controlling their speech while on the telephone. Please be extra patient whenever you may find yourself in this situation. If the phone rings and you hear nothing at first when you answer, make sure to allow a long pause before you consider hanging up, in case it might be a person who stutters on the other line trying to initiate a conversation.

Always use a positive tone of voice, be realistically encouraging, and take the time to show others who face these speaking challenges that you are interested in hearing what they have to say. Finally, think empathy, not sympathy.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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