DR. WALLACE: I'm glad that you told the young girl to tell her parents that her older brother was starting to use drugs and alcohol even though her brother threatened to kick her tail if she "narced" on him. I'd like to address my remarks to all teens in a similar situation.

When I was in eighth grade, I learned that my older sister was getting involved in drugs and alcohol. Out of loyalty to her, and a fear of her being forever angry at me, I kept my mouth shut. By the time she graduated from high school, she was a full-fledged alcoholic, and it was no longer a secret.

A few years later, I discovered my younger sister following in her footsteps. I am ashamed that, once again, I didn't speak up. Our older sister, however, knew what she was getting herself into and told our parents. Her logic was, "I would rather have a live sister who hates me than a sister who died as my friend."

I felt guilty for years for not having had the courage that my older sister had. Our younger sister voluntarily entered into treatment and is now sober, happily married and has a family of her own. She was angry at our older sister for a while, but later realized she had done her a favor by turning her in to our parents.

Unfortunately, things didn't work out so well for my older sister. No matter what, she refused to admit that she had a problem with alcohol. Last year she got very drunk, lost all touch with reality, and committed suicide. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. How I would rather have had "a live sister who hates me, than have to visit her at the cemetery!"

The young girl who wrote to you said that to "narc" on her brother would cause her to lose his trust forever. Wouldn't that be better than to lose a brother forever? How much do you really love him? Please tell your parents. If he really is "just going through a rebellious stage" and doesn't plan to continue using the stuff, no harm will come from telling. If, however, he is headed down the path my sister took, you may be saving his life. — Mother, York, Pa.

MOTHER: Thanks for sharing your story with "Nameless" and other teens who might be in a similar situation. The pain and regret in your letter cut more deeply than my advice.

IMPORTANT HUSBAND TRAITS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and will be allowed to date for the first time this summer. I am a firm believer that dating prepares teens for mate selection. That's why it is extremely important that I only date guys who are intellectual. I am very intelligent and since my husband will also have an abundance of intelligence, it will ensure that our children will be smart.

I also want my date to possess a great sense of humor, have compassion, be caring, enjoy music and make me feel very special. Which of these traits should I look for first when deciding whether or not I want to date a guy? — Laura, Rye, N.Y.

LAURA: You have high standards. If you want your "future husband" to meet all of them, make intelligence the most important trait. You can encourage a guy to laugh at your jokes, to be compassionate and caring, to enjoy music and to make you feel special, but you can't encourage him to be intelligent.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.