Dear Family Coach: My 6-year-old daughter is a sensitive little soul. My 8-year-old son is more unemotional. He can be rude and impatient with my daughter. Often, arguments erupt between them, and I tend to come to her defense to protect her. Should I let them sort it out on their own, or is it better to step in every time to help resolve the issue? — In-the-Middle Dad

Dear Dad: As long as your son isn't abusive, and chances are at 8 years old he isn't, then you need to allow them to sort it out together. A huge benefit of having siblings is that one learns at a young age how to compromise and tolerate differences in a safe environment. Your daughter and son are clearly different. However, you aren't doing them any favors by solving their differences for them. You are mostly just ensuring that they will need you to mediate for eternity.

You say your daughter is sensitive, and you are probably right. But your constant meddling is probably teaching her that she is incapable of dealing with her brother without you. And I bet at this point she is using her sensitivity as a way to manipulate you to rescue her from her evil brother. She cries, and you rush in like clockwork.

Teach your daughter to solve her problems, and give her the tools to do so. She needs to endure her brother at times and compromise with him at others. Learning how to stand on her own two feet isn't just important to gain a little peace in the home. It's vital to raising a daughter who can manage future interpersonal relationships or even disagreements at work. Give her a voice and the ability to work through problems without you doing it for her. I promise this will serve her better in the long run.

Dear Family Coach: After my 16-year-old daughter came home from a sleepover at a friend's house I found a pack of cigarettes in her jacket pocket. When confronted, she said they weren't her cigarettes. I'm furious and don't know whether I can believe her. How should I handle it? — Upset

Dear Upset: This is the moment you have probably been dreading most since the teen years hit. I'm sure you are suffering through a myriad of feelings. However, you need to settle down and work through this problem slowly.

There is no way to know whether those cigarettes are really your daughter's. But if she is smoking, chances are you will notice soon enough. In the meantime, take her word for it. What's more important is for you to know more about what her life is like when she isn't with you. Without acting like the police conducting an interrogation, ask her about her friends. Find out who is smoking and whether they are doing more than that. Then work out how she can still have a life but also stay safe and on track. Be an ally in navigating the world she is entering.

Let her know your thoughts on drinking, drugs and smoking. Explain why you were so upset when you found the cigarettes. Don't ban her from her friends. If you do, she will just lie and go behind your back. In a few short years she will be out of your house making her own decisions, for better or worse. Support her now by allowing her to make some of those decisions while still coming home to the safety of her childhood bedroom.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.