Dear Family Coach: The last few months, my son has been heading down a dark path. He has been caught smoking marijuana and sneaking out at night. His grades have fallen, and he's becoming disrespectful. He is also trying to quit the soccer team, which was once his whole life. On top of everything else, I recently found out he's having sex with his 14-year-old girlfriend. We have talked about safe sex because we know he isn't acting responsibly right now. Would it be OK to call the girlfriend's parents to tell them she is having sex and ask them to make sure she is on birth control? — Worried Parents

Dear Worried: Nope. That would not be all right. Let's play this out a bit. Imagine calling these unsuspecting parents and telling them their daughter is sexually active. There is no telling how they will handle this issue. They might agree to obtain birth control and continue to let their daughter spend copious amounts of time with your son. But I doubt it. Alternatively, they may take a hard line and put her on lockdown, which would result in your son having to sneak around further to have sex, which may increase the risk of a pregnancy.

Your son is clearly struggling with some major issues right now. He is showing signs of depression, as well as potential drug abuse. Having a girlfriend and having intimate relations with said girlfriend might be one of his only joys. I'd be careful not to alienate both of them in the process of trying to keep her from becoming pregnant. Instead, continue to discuss pregnancy and the risk of sexually transmitted diseases with him. Watch the show "16 and Pregnant" together, and converse about the realities of teenage parenthood. Explain that just one mistake can cause a pregnancy. I'd also encourage him to tell his girlfriend to discuss her sexual activity with her parents. If she feels she can't, he might refer her to a local clinic or Planned Parenthood for advice.

My last advice is to find a good therapist and counseling program for your son (and maybe you, too). He is crying out for help, so it's best to help him find it.

Dear Family Coach: My daughter is 13, and she and her friends all go to Starbucks after school. Most of the kids buy large sugary, caffeinated beverages. When I tell her that I don't want her having caffeine, she notes that she is taller and weighs more than I do. However, there is something about a young girl ordering a Frappuccino that seems wrong. Should I insist on decaf, or just give it up? — Caffeine-Free Mom

Dear Mom: Caffeine is a stimulant, and with it come pros and cons. It can provide a midday jolt of energy and focus, but it also might impact sleep cycles long after the buzz wears off. While I agree with limiting children's caffeine intake, I don't know how much longer you'll have a say. Sure, you can insist she has decaf. But you won't know whether she really obeys. The best thing you can do is discuss your preferences and the reasoning behind them. Help your daughter learn to drink caffeine in moderation and monitor the side effects.

Going to Starbucks after school is a rite of passage. I used to go to the candy store after school. My parents tell me they used to stop by the soda shop. If you've ever been in Starbucks after school, you know that the teens there laugh and release a little tension following a long school day. Who couldn't use that from time to time?

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.